This is Life.

When I was 9 yrs old, my mom went back to work for a trucking company. She worked second shift, so on Friday nights, my dad would take me and my brother out. Usually, we just drove, sometimes we went to soccer games or to the arcade.

It was on those drives, that I sat and thought about the future. The mood was almost always right, the pitch black of the night, accompanied by the oldies station. The powerful ballads of the late 70's and 80's swept over the airwaves, like the spring breeze in May.

I would stare up at the night sky, thinking what the future would hold. I thought about things a 9 yr old kid should never think of. I saw myself in the future, what would high school be like, who would I end up marrying? The power ballads of the night time radio always overcame me, as I was staring up into my future. I'd weep silently, thinking about life at the moment, life in the future and life in the past.

Around the age of 13, my mom stopped working second shift and the only time I ever sat and looked up at the night sky was when it was Saturday, and Satuday's meant family dinner. The stars never did shine as bright as they did back when my dad took me and my brother out. There was no powerful love songs, or songs about life. Instead, the sound of "Prarie Home Companion" filled the car.

I lost touch with the night and the songs that filled them after that. It wasn't the same, life was exploding around me, my hormones racing like they had a huge deadline to keep. Staring up at the night sky was now reserved for me and my current beau, or best friend. It still wasn't the same though.

Until, last night. The sounds of Stone Sour filled the car and again, my eyes returned to the glimmer of the night sky. I watched the stars and their brillance in the sky. I wept softly and quietly so the ex would not hear me. I sang, I wept, and I starred.

I thought about life, how far I had come. I thought about our existence. I thought about the heartbreak from the past month, I thought about my friends in PA, thought about the ex as more than just a friend, thought about the future.

I thought about life in general, thought about how you make you're own happiness. Eventually, the ex and I went back to his house. I went on Youtube seeking my new favorite song that I had heard everywhere, but couldn't pin point what it was.

"Second Chance" by Shinedown filled my ears on the Ipod Touch. The lyrics scrolled across it's tiny screen, the soulful sound of the lead singer belted out and radiated thru out my entire body.

"Sometimes goodbye is a second chance," he sang.

I laid back, letting the lyrics wash over me, thinking about that one line. Thinking, this is my life. I let myself dictate my own happiness. I smiled, thinking of all my friends, thinking about how much I loved each and every one of them. Thinking about how they all helped me out thru a darker time in my life. Thinking about me, this is real, this is life. And no one was going to bring me down ever again.

And when I got back in the car so the ex could drive me home, I looked up at the night sky, the lyrics reverberating thruout my head, the tears pressed back by my will, and I smiled, the stars shone so bright.

3 you know you love me.:

controlled chaos said...

Yayyy you un-privated!!

controlled chaos said...

And that was an incredible post.
I tend to zone out with posts like that. But yours was very well written. Like it connects with people. sigh

Bon Don said...

Awww I loved this post!