Because it's Awesomesauce!

So. I'm sitting hurr, bored of course. It's friday, Halloween, and sub day. Which makes for a verrry lazy day. Which honestly, is fine by me. So, forgot to mention in my previous blog...two slightly important things. Ok, one is very major, I suppose.

Last night, Erik and I went to the Halloween store as I stated previously. Well, it was quite busy and the very nice black gentleman (like my age) was talking to this chick I believe (i was on the hunt for fishnets) and Erik supposedly walked threw their conversation and like he always does, he says sorry and excuse me. No biggie. It's how he was raised which my mother loves by the way. So, anyway, we're leaving and he ends up holding open the door for the same guy. And the guy says thank you very much..and then all of a sudden goes hey! man, what's your name? Erik replies, "Erik." And the guy's like, "my name is Colby. I didn't think there was many of us left?"(referring to the uber scare gentleman of the world, the chivalirous type, as my mother would call em) Then Colby looks at me and says, "If this is you're boyfriend, you're very lucky to have him and you better never leave him." And that was that. =) Yes, there are still men out there like that.

My best friend Fred from Florida is like that too. Came and picked me up at 200am as promised when I got there, drove the 45 mins back to his town, refused gas money from me, got Sondra and I's bags outta the car (he put em in too) and made sure to check in our hotel room first to see if there was any baddies in there. SO! Women of the world. THEY DO EXIST!

Ok. So, now on the most important topic EVER! In Spring of 2011, Erik and I are MOVING TO FLORIDA!!!!! =) Which gives us about two years to get everything settled. Find jobs, an apartment, etc. Finally, my dream can come true. =) And if for someone reason Erik and I aren't together, I'm gonna figure it all out and probably move down myself. I just love southern Florida. That's where I would be headed. Deerfield Beach, Coral Springs, Boca Raton..bascially anywhere in that general area will be home. I've have a pretty sickening obsession with Florida that most people don't know about.

Like, hm. Let's start with the fact that at some point of the year, I believe early spring, when it's just warm enough, there's a certain spot where the sun sits in the afternoon when I'm coming down the hill from my house that makes me feel like I'm in Florida. The sun is just so bright and warm. (I told you it was sickening!) Hm, or how about like last weekend, when I was sitting around on Sunday afternoon and I was reading a "Salty Piece of Land," by Jimmy Buffett and the sun was shining brightly into my room cause my mom opened the blinds all the way to save oil..and I was laying there and I imagined I was in Florida.

I told you I was obsessed! It's kinda sick. I've known I've always been obsessed with the ocean and the beach, but I think that came from the fact that ever since I was three, my parents have bringing me to Ocean City, Maryland. But, Florida, have no clue how that happened. I think it was cause I had gone to Florida with Dan and his mom and actually went somewhere that wasn't an overcommercialized place. I saw the true beauty of Florida, the first time I had gone to Floridian beach, and I fell in love. Then I met Fred, Jimmy, and Brian on Xbox and started talking to them. And Fred and I grew closer and closer. Then, I made a joking comment to Sondra from Pennsylvania, that we should go. And we made it happen. And now I want to go back sooo bad. Live there, work there, just be there. I know, I'm a dork. But this is something I'm completely passionate about. =)

I'll leave you with this quote, straight from A Salty Piece of Land, Jimmy Buffet. This describes my being perfectly. I think I may even get a portion of it tattooed. =)

"There are no words to the song of the ocean, but the message is and always has been simple: not to forget where we came from. The melody is locked in the water that composes much of what we are. Most humans tend to ignore the song, but not all. But be warned: it is a wandering song carried by the winds and the currents. It can turn you into a piece of driftwood that washes up on shore after shore, but one day, when you find the place that is meant to be, you will take root."

Happy Halloween!!!

Yay!! Today is finally Halloween. =) I absolutely have grown to love Halloween. For many reasons. First, I love love dressing up now that I'm older. I think it's the fact that they have some really cute (and slutty) costumes out there. I this year am going as a firefighter. =) I'm not sure why I chose that costume. Probably cause it was the least slutty. (Hi, ok I'm gonna be full of myself..I know I have a nice ass but it can stay under my costume, thanks! haha) And it was cute. I'll post pics tomorrow or probably monday when I actually sit down at the computer. Anywho, my bestest friend Cheryl is going as a gangster. She has some stuff at home she can use sooo. She's gonna look tooo cute. <33 And Erik's going as the Deuce from Hollywood Undead. They're a band. I've grown to like their funky style. =)

Plus, I love when little kids dress up. They are sooo cute. Like one of my bosses' is here with his son..and his son is like two and he's dressed as a giants football player with black lines under his eyes. So freaking cute. =)

Anywho. I have a million thoughts going thru my mind right now. At the current moment, I'm talking to my little brother on AIM, trying to get him to come to the halloween party I'm going to tonite. But of course, he's being stubborn. Well, actually he just said he'd come but without a costume! What fun is that. Don't worry we'll (me and cheryl) will think of something to do! I don't know, ever since my brother has moved out, I feel like I need to talk to him or see him and he's just not having it. I think he's really trying to assert his independence. He didn't even move far. Just to Central Connecticut State, which is like 30 mins from my house. (haha)

So, last night I picked up Erik. ♥ And we went to the Halloween store and got my costume and Wal-mart and got his stuff for his costume. And on the way to Wal-mart I felt that he was upset. I felt his emotions go up and down in the form of tingling in my arms. It was really weird. And I could pinpoint EXACTLY what was wrong. Like we were at Wal-mart and their were alot of people and I could start to feel his stress level rise as we walked thru the crowds. And I said, "you're bothered by the large group of people, aren't you?" And he just looked at me like I was crazzzzy. It continued on for a good chunk of the night. I pinpointed the most random things that were bothering. And felt his stress level go down everytime I would hold his hand or touch his leg while we were driving.

Now. I ask. Who has ever felt that with someone before?! Is it cause our connection is sooo strong and good? And it is cause we are in love? Cause I thought it was soo amazing and really really cool. I freaked my cousin out a little bit though. She thinks we're weird and I know she def. knows we are in love. <33

Anyway. I'm bored, but I have nothing else to really write about. So. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!


Why is Life So Boring Sometimes?

Blah. I'm bored. And I have a headache. But, I'm feeling better today. Which is good. Cause I did not need to have a relapse of my cold. So, finally talked to the Ex again. He was pissy with me, telling me his feelings again and how I'm only with Erik cause I didn't want to be alone. Well, he can keep telling himself that. Cause it's not true. But, he did tell me some decent news.

Apparently, he has to call his boss again, I'm guessing after Thanksgiving, and see what he wants to do by then. Which I think is very very very nice of his boss. He's giving him a whole month off (probably not paid but whateves) to clear his head. And he'll still have his job. Anyway, thats enough about him.

Last night, me and baberz snuggled and watched Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. (It's my favorite) I have a sad obsession with Lucas Black and his "dirty, car guy" appearance and southern accent. He's lucious. So, we did that, played some xbox, talked to Blake on there while getting my ass beat in Call of Duty 5, and snuggle some more. I love his bed. (Not for that reason!) But it's soo soft, it's memory foam..and just snugglin with him is awesome in general.

So, bascially I'm sitting here bored outta my mind. (YAY! NOT!)My head still frickin hurts. But I'll be otay. Tonight, I have to go to the Halloweenie store and get my firefighter costume, some fishnets and MAYBE some boots. I honestly dont know about the boots cause they're damn expensive. Wherever I go. So, then have to get some stuff for Erik's costume. (His is hottttt, of course ;]) I'm excited for the Halloween party tomorrow night. It's at Briee's and Dan's. (I used to go to high school with hurrr) So, plenty of alchi and a live band and people from high school that I haven't seen in foreverness. (Good Times!)

Saturday, Cheryl and I are having a "date" day. Erik has to work 11-9 (my poor baberz. =[) So, me and Cheryl are going to go out, probably do lunch and some shopping or something. (YAY!) And at some point go see Erik at work, so I can give White Trash Girl the nastiest look ever. (White Trash Girl works with Erik and of course has a crush on him..and looks white trash! hehe. I'm mean. Sorry.) Like bittch step off my man. =D

Anywho, thats about it for now. I'm tired. And I'm gonna go eat something from the huge tray of cookies and other assorted baked goods that Judy baked for Halloweenie. =)


Your Shallowness Creates An Emptiness..

So. Last night I was pretty sure I was going to have a heart attack, thanks to the Ex. He texted me yesterday before my lunch as usual. He told me he was taking a half day, something I have learned he clearly believes he needs. So, I was like, "ok let's do lunch." Of course he said yes.

So, I got in his car and he was visibly upset. I asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't tell me. I thought and thought and thought and somehow I have this innate ability to be able to pick up on people and see exactly what is wrong.

Out of all the things that could be wrong, I choose to ask, "you got fired, didn't you?" I am then met with a slight up and down nod of the head and a huge sob. I try and press him with details but of course he's hesitant to tell me. Fianlly, throught the sobs, I get a little something out of him.

I asked, "So, what happened," and in response I get, "I don't know, my boss just told me he was letting me go." "Oh, well did he say why?" In response, "No, I just walked out after that, what else needed to be said?" I sat there and pondered this. Of course the answer was simple..he STILL is NOT over ME! It's been a month now. And all that's happened is he has sprialed down into an even deeper depression.

I look at him, and then, I let him have it. (For his own good.) I said, "Listen, this gonna be really harsh and bitchy, but GET OVER IT!" "Look at what you're doing to your life, you're smoking again (cigs and weed), you're getting drunk (or trying to) and you have gotten you're first speeding ticket and now you've lost your job!"

I sit back, waiting for a response. All I get is another up and down nod and a sob. I think, and then start blaming myself. (Of course) I say, "I'm sorry for ruining your life." He looks at me and tells me, "You didn't ruin my life. I ruined my life."

So, that was about it. I gave him a hug, he cried, I left and IMed him when I thought he was home just to see that he was a little bit better.

Then, I went about my day, talking to my lover on AIM, then going home, eating dinner, then going to the lovers house. Where I finally met his sister. Which was alot of fun actually. She's so sweet. His mom and sis scared me a tad though when I first came in cause they got soo excited. (It makes me feel awkward and happy at the same time.)

So, we played some video games, I finally met Erik's sister's hubby (he's a cool guy too) and we were all just sitting there in the living room. I sat down in the cat's favorite chair. (Hey, she was sitting on her foot stool thing!) And all of a sudden, she jumped up, walked across me, and then went over to Erik. (Ok, you're probably wondering where I'm going with this..hold on!) Then, she turned around, and came back over and more or less put her butt in my face and allowed me to pet her. Meanwhile I hear Erik go, "Mom, pssst, Mom look at Lucy." At this point his mom, sister, and Matt are all staring at me. Apparently as I've stated in previous blogs, his cat being that friendly is a weird occurence in his home. The only other person she likes is Erik's sister's hubby, which I guess in "Lucy" (the cat's name) terms is that I'm a keeper.

Which is not new news to me. So, yes Saturday is our one month only. But I feel like I could spend forever with this boy. We just have this amazingly deep connection. We get soo excited to see each other. Like ridic. excited. Like, hi I haven't seen you in a week excited everyday! I don't know, it's a strange feeling. Very strange. I suppose, this is what true love feels like. Like deep down true love. It's scary and exhilarating all at the same time.

Anywho, after that, Erik and I then went all the way back to my house, to get Charlie. =) He had me watch some sickk dyno testing vids on youtube. That excites me. No lie. So, I decided I wanted to hear Charlie purrr. =) So, we got my car then went to Arby's. In town here, there is a main strip and its called Rt. 6. Well, there is this part where it goes from two lanes to one lane. And so I'm going pretty quick up the hill to merge and for some reason this mini-van on the left of me, decides she is uber pissed at me, and literally tries to run me off the road! Like, I'm getting pretty close to the curb and she just keeps trying to pass me out. I'm like really, what the hell, so I sped up and finally got by her.

We fianlly made it to Arby's, and just went in and chilled with everyone. There wasn't any room left at the table Lou, Jess and Jay were sitting at. So, I sat next to Bry and across from Amanda and Kyle. (Bascially no one likes Amanda cause she runs her mouth.) So, we're just all sitting there talking. Pretty much about alot of nothing. So eventually Bry Amanda and Kyle leave..Erik and I wait about 10 mins and then leave. And we're saying bye to everyone and of course Jess and Lou act all pissy towards us. Like a quick ok bye. I know why they're mad, a)cause we were talking to amanda and b)cause now we leave mad early. I don't know, it's just not that fun anymore. I feel shunned out cause I'm technically part of both Hat City and Absolut and I feel it bothers em. Plus, Erik and I like to leave early so we can get some snuggling time in. <33

So, we go home and do just that, watch a little Disney Channel and Family Guy. So, like I've been doing for the past couple of days, I call the Ex to see how he's doing. And he doesn't answer. So I try to call him again and he still doesn't answer, and so I start to freak out a little, wondering if he was driving somewhere and he got into an accident (it was raining and snowing) or he decided to take a lot more sleeping pills then required. So, eventually I fell asleep, woke up and tried to call to call him again, but he still didn't answer. So, I came here and he was on myspace and AIM, but wouldn't and still hasn't. But, luckily he was playing Xbox this morning so it's safe to assume he's ok. Which makes me feel better.

Now, I think he's trying to get me out of his head and life. Which is good. It's time he moved on and time I stopped caring so much for him.


You Can Have Whatever You Like.

Eventually, it was inevitable that I used that title. That damn song is on like every other time. Not that I don't like it..cause I love it but I hate how they always overplay stuff.

So this morning or ok like 5 minutes ago I was on Facebook and Erik was tagged in a photo with his sister..it was some wedding photos. So of course I looked. They were sooo cute. And there was this picture of her holding a smooshy sword, and she had made the comment that her and Matt said "that's fantastic" at the exact time. Which isn't soo weird except like every damn day, Erik and I somehow do or say or think the same exact thing at the same exact time.

I'm sure I've written bout this..but I'm too lazy to go back and look. Anyway, the point to all of that above paragraph is that Erik says our relationship is alottt like theres. Like how we act, the fact his rents loooveee me, and even the fact his cat loooves me. [haha]

Idk. But I love him soooo much more then he'll even know. <33


Don't Stop Believing

Ugh. I don't feel good at all. I think that the milk I drank this morning made me feel a little icky. Oh well.

Anyway. Here comes my weekend recap.

Friday Erik and I went to the Haunted Graveyard at Lake Compounce. Which was sooo much fun. =)) It wasn't that scary..at all. I jumped a little bit. But I mostly just had fun staring down people. At the end of the thing..there was a really tall guy in a crazy skeleton mask with like blue lights he could turn on and off around his face. Erik's obsessed over it. [It's cute..not the guy..his obsession] After that we went on the Boulder Dash..which I pretty much was ok with..I just was really quiet. Inside I was screaming though. [hah I'm a wuss].

After all that fun, we went to Jess and Lous. Lou was just leaving for work but before that we played some Crash Bandicoot Racing on Playstation [old school!]. Connor was there and this kid Matt that's Jess' best friend or something to that affect. [haha]. Lou eventually went to work and Connor to his girlfriends..so Erik Matt Jess and I all played some Halo 3 which was lots of fun. [I still don't miss that game however.] Erik kept beating me..which pissed me off a tad. [I declare myself better in video games!!!] After that, we left and went and chilled..and my cousins friend Dan called and left this hilarious vmail from my cousins phone!! So Erik and I went down to the Dirty Dirty and chilled with em for about 15 mins..then went back to his house and just talked in my bunnni.

Saturday I went out with Cheryl for a little while cause Erik had to work from 800-130pm. We went to Dick's Sporting Goods, Kohls and CVS. She had present buying for her rents since they're birthdays are next month. Soo we did that...had our girlll time. =) Then I went out with Erik to the mall..which was ok..then we went back to his house ans watched tv and Scary Movie was on..soo we watched that..and it was just a funnn nite cuddling with him.


Sunday I chilled out for most of the day. Around 500 I went out for a little while with Dan. [Erik was fixing his car. =)] We just kinda drove round..went a Halloween Store near West Farms mall. Wasn't anything exciting. Then I dropped him off and went back home and just watched the Disney Channel till Erik came..=). His car's all fixed now..and everything is squared away with his friend Eric.[Money issues] Which I'm really glad.

Everythings going really well. Except for me feeling like poo. And being bored here at work. =/


Time Flies.

It sureee does. One moment, it's 9am and you're dreading the entire work day..and then you turn around and it's already 9pm. I still cannot believe that Halloween is next Friday. Then Thanksgiving in a month. And then Christmas in another month! Then all of a sudden it will be 2009!? Where did time go. Is it almost honestly to the "teen" years of this milleium? Getting older scares me a bit.

Last night, Erik, Cheryl, my cousin, Corey and I all went out for sushi. Corey made the comment cause I was acting goofy, "Wow, aren't you the oldest one here?" "And isn't he [Erik] the youngest one here?" And yes, that was true. Then he said, "well you're acting the most immature and he's acting the most mature." And I realized, maybe I act that way cause I'm afraid to grow up? I mean ok Cheryl, Corey and I are all 22. But if you want to get technical, I'm 19 days older than Cheryl and 5 months older than Corey. Then comes my cousin who is 20, soon to be 21 in February and Erik who is 19. I don't know. Sometimes I act retarded and it's for various reasons.

I'm scared to grow old. I'm scared that I won't be funny. There's a million and one reasons why I act retarded.

I'm 22 and while that's NOT that old, you realize that some stuff makes you feel way older than is necessary! I've heard myself countless times say, "I'm too old for this." Mainly cause like 18 yr olds are doing it.

Sometimes I feel like my life isn't as exciting as it should be. I feel like, here I am, young and borrring. I mean don't get me wrong I do some exciting stuff. But it's kinda depressing and makes me feel way older than I am when I get excited about going out to Sushi with my cousin, two best friends, and boyfriend. I mean is that seriously the highlight of my life?

I feel like I just wanna do something soo spontaneous, so maybe this weekend I will. =))

Depending on money of course. =p


Game On.

So. I have been playing the Call of Duty 5 Beta. It's frickin awesome! [haha] Alot of people on the Xbox.com forums have been saying it's bascially just a make-over of Call of Duty 4 with World War II style guns. Which I suppose is true. But hey I had an addiction to Call of Duty 4. So of course I'm gonna love Call of Duty 5.

I am soo super excited for it, its ridic. And Gears of War 2. It's nice that my loverface like Xbox. It must be weird for his mom to walk upstairs and there we are sitting on his bed, my pink Xbox controller on hand, ripping mostly guys a new one. But I don't care! I love it. FPS or First Person Shooters are my FAVORITE games to play. I also dable in Gears of War [which isn't a FPS but still] and I also rock out to Guitar Hero and Rock Band. I'm a nerdo and I love it.

Anywho. Enough about my gaming obsession. So last night Cheryl, Erik and I all went to the mall. Cheryl wanted to go to the Gap randomly cause she needed something. So we went..and she was all looking round for stuff. And she saw this really cute pair of dress pants..and she was like eehhh I don't know what I would match em with. And then all of a sudden Erik pipes up and says..well I forgot but it amazed me he knew so much about fashion and matching. He still thinks I'm making fun of him for it..but I think it's awesome. Mainly..cause he doesn't mind coming shopping and he can help me out with picking stuff out. And trust me he's def. not gay. [haha]

So then after that, Erik and I went back to his house, watched Mythbusters and then played some Xbox. And his mommy made a really good dinner of meatloaf and corn and apple crisp [that right there is love] and a baked potato. =) It was nice. I love how his mom gets all excited when I come over. Cause she can see how happy he is. And he makes me just as happy. He's amazing.

Ok. Time for me to stop being soo mushy. I'm gonna..eh. Idk. Be bored. Cause my boss hasn't checked the last three estimates I've done. Soo bascially just have to wait for her to check em..then I'll have work for like 10 mins. Then that's about it.


Just Let It Go.

That right there is probably the best advice [in my opinion] that I have ever given my best friend. And when she follows it, she feels the weight of the world come of her shoulders. I kinda see that Erik is trying his hardest to follow it too. I, myself, well for the most part I am following it, except in one area.

Which would be the ex area. I tell myself I'm not going to call him, not going to text him, contact him on Myspace or talk to him on Xbox. But it happens. And not because I'm still dying to be with him or anything like that. I just worry. I have a huge heart and alot of times, well to say the least, it gets me into trouble. I just want Dan to be happy. But I CAN'T make him be happy without me. I realize he was very happy with me. I wish I could have returned that favor. But I couldn't.

And now I'm stuck at a rock and a hard place. I know my talking to Dan bothers Erik alot. I know it feels like he's competeting with Dan for my attention. But he's not. Erik has all my attention whenever he wants and needs it. But soon I have cut myself off from Dan. It's not healthy for any of us. If I continue to talk to him, who knows, maybe Erik will get frustrated enough to end it.

Ahhh. I don't know. I can't be harsh, it's not me. [as many people know] I just want Dan TO BE HAPPY!!! and that's probably the main reason for my talking to him. But he needs to be happy with himself and love himself before he can ever ne happy with anyone else or love anyone else.

Alrite, makes me feel better I got that all out. Now if I get this stupid cough outta me too, I feel 10000x better. Grrr.

At least I have baberz to make me feel like a million dollars. <33


Forever and a day.

Damnit. I'm falling asleep yet again. I don't know why. Could be because I don't feel good. But all I know is, it sucks. Come on eyeballs. Stop it!

Now I'm awake. Took a walk to the kitchen, made myself a cup of coffee with the one shot coffee maker. It can make tea, hot chocolate or coffee. So I made a cup of hot chocolate for Patti. She loved it.

Eh. Kinda a boring day. Did like two things today at work. Tried to do some more of that Excel spreadsheet. But I was just not having it. I can't find half of those names.

Someone needs to do folders. I'm so frickin bored. Rawwwr. After this, its home, dinner, and then over the boyfriends. <33 Gonna watch some tv, play some video games and then go to the Absolut gtg as usual.

That's bout it. Nothing really interesting.

Blahhhh kinda day.



So this whole paragraph below is a blog the ex wrote. I made a response which I will edit in as soon as he approves the comment. [i didn't know his privacy settings]. So bascially from my response, you'll understand why I am soo utterly annoyed [not pissed] but its always people v. people. Everyone believes what they want to hear. [which is always not fair =(] Anyway, read on...

[Why always me i just dont understand... i have never broken anyones heart the way mine has been stepped on my whole life....i get into a relationship and take it slow i dont get wrapped up in immediatly falling in love i just try to enjoy the person and moments and let the relation go where it may...but the second i realize that this one is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with its like someone somwhere says oh no you dont, you cant be in love forever and just like that she says she not happy and finds somebody else and the last two times even before they break up with me.....I wish women would stop being such pussies and talk to me if there is a problem instead of keeping it inside waiting to explode....I did nothing but give her all my love, i took care of her when she was feeling down or upset( all thoses fights with her parents and job problems) i gave her money when in need, i would always try and make a plan to get out and go somewhere special once in a while, im not rich and couldnt go out all the time, i let her in my heart even tho i was scared to get hurt again. How can someone say they love you so much and say they want to spend the rest of their life with you and just wake up one morning and say sry i dont love you anymore and by the way i found somebody else already, I dont deny that he may make her happy but at the same time if he wasnt in the picture she would have come back to me cause she half used him as a crutch to help get away from those feelings for me by giving them to somebody else, I am a good person and i do know how to make someone happy and i know she was happy with me most of the time, im no longer gonna blame myself cause wether she realizes it or not i gave her a lot, Love, Happiness, Support, Money, and a Future....she lost more than i did because i lost a wonderful girl, best ever but one that dewelled on what wasnt goin her way instead of appreciating what i did to make her happy and help her feel better about her self. I even let her talk to and hang out with all sorts of guys i gave her trust, i would still get jealous but i still trusted her and i still got burned. She will always be in my heart but one day she will realize what she lost, i was ready to give her what i thought every girl wants happyiness and a life partner who will take care of you whenever you need cause the man is supposed to take care of his girl and i did as much as i could.]

and finally here is my response.

[alrighty, since you want the whole damn world to know your feelings. i guess i'll let everyone know my feelings. first of all i'm not a pussy, i did tell you my feelings but you chose to ignore them over your love for your xbox. and also i won't deny that you gave me love and support, but i wasn't happy, for a loong time, so it's not as if i woke up one morning and just decided to end it cause of Erik. [which has nothing to do with this entire situation, so stop saying he does] i did this for us, which apparently you don't realize. i was not happy. after the second time we broke up, i was said ok, ill give him a chance, then the third time, i realized i was trying to shove those negative feelings down. but i needed to embrace them. i still love you and always will. but i did wat was best for us. [everyones entitled to an opinoin, so whatever.] i could not go on our whole lives pretending that i was happy and in love when i wasn't. i couldn't see myself with you forever. and that's something you need to accept. [i know, bitchy right] but honestly..you cannot go around writing this blog, telling everyone that i left you for Erik and he's my rebound, an escape from you. you need to realize i did this because i was unhappy and cause i wasn't gonna lie to you about my happiness for the rest o our lives. i dont mean to be a bitch, but its not fair for you to write your side to myspace, so now im writing my side. i hope you the best in life, and i will you be there for you whenever you need me tooo, but i feel we can no longer talk. you're an awesome guy but just not the one for me.]

sometimes you just have to be cold and heartless. =(

Sick. Meh.

So i'm sitting here at work. Bored of course. There is absolutely nothing to do. Which I guess could be bad and good. Bad cause then I focus on my really stuffy nose, good cause I feel like to much crap to even move from this chair, except to get water and use the bathroom.

Alrighty, recap of the weekend.

Friday nite, Cheryl, Jesse and I went to the Trail of Terror. Stood in line for about an hour, got bored and left. The wait was between 2-3 hrs. [thats a lonng time when you're 22 and lazy!] Soo we left, went back home and went to Luizia's Diner [sp?] for some foood. I love breakfast food anytime of the day. I must admit this. Anyway, after that we went for a little drive around Bristol, blasting late 90s music and singing at the top of our lungs. [haha] Then we went back to Cheryl's and Jesse and I wanted to go to Green Lady Cemetary [we needed to get our scare on] and Cheryl didn't wanna go, so we bounced and Erik just happened to be getting home..so we went to get him and then headed for Burlington. Well, along the way there was some road blockage cause there was an accident, so you had to take a right onto a street for a detour, but I took the right to sharp and hit the curb, bent my steelie and popped my tire. [this is why you never wanna drive with me!] So we had to pull over and change it and I feel like Erik didn't wanna do that at all. [well if his girlfriend wasn't a boob, he wouldn't have to worry!]hehe.

Saturday I was wayyy lazy. I was supposed to go meet the ex to talk to him..and I finally did at like 200pm. So we talked, went indoor go-karting [worst experience ever!], and then just bascially said goodbye. I went and got some coffee then ran over to Cheryl's to borrow a movie from her. [Baby Mama] Soo then I went home and watched it and like a clock she called right when the movie was over. [Oh yes the absence of Erik was due to his sisters' weddding, awww] So Cheryl and I went to Walmart and then just went back to her casa and attempted to watch "Don't Mess with the Zohan," which was THE stupidest movie ever. [Adam Sandler, wat has happened to you!]

Sunday I woke up around 1030 and bothered my lovely boyfriend. While I was talking to him on the phone my cousin called and asked if I was going to Dubs In the Trees 3. I said I don't know I really don't feel good. But she told me she really wanted to go soo I was like okkkkkkk. [haha] I'm a pushover for car shows. True story. So I grab my cousin, and Erik, wash my car mad quick, and left for it. We only got lost once when it told me to go down this crazy ass road which we couldn't find cause the street sign was a little brown sign pushed way back from the road. So we followed that down, and down, and down, and down. And finally we made it to the show. We immediately found Corey and Mike. Talked to Mike for a little...then made our way around. Said hi to Kerri [sp?] and Mike, Big Bri, Little Bry, and their laddies. And of course AbsolutDübs. Unfortunately Erik and I weree feeling like major crap, so we left. Got some food at Arby's [I LOVE ARBYS!] and then went to Blockbuster and picked up Love Guru, brought my cousin home, then went to Erik's for the night. Which was a lot of fun. I actually wasn't nervous being at his house, which is weird, but all of a sudden I became really calm. Soo we watched the movie, it was ok, and played some Call of Duty 5 Beta. =) [I'm soo hyped for that game!] But it was nice..to just snuggle with him. And we watched Storm Chasers..which was awesomesauce. [we're nerds, true story.] Then I went home and to bed.

It was soo nice to spend yesterday with him though. =) I love you baberz.


Rawr. ^.^

Blah. Third blog today! I'm soo sooo sooo bored. And kinda of annoyed that Cheryl is not text messaging me back. =( I told her I was broke. And she bascially said she wasn't mad but that she had no money to spend. [are you fckin serious!] I know she's lying. She wants me to feel bad and pay for her. I cannot this week unless we go to the Trail of Terror as soon as I get outta work and to her house and we stand there and wait.

Which if she really wants to do it, she will! I hope. I really wanna go. I can spend 10 for each of us, I just can't spend 20 for each of us. Or there's this other haunted thing in Norwich for 15. Idk. I just have to wait for her to call when she gets out I suppose. I wouldn't understand why she wouldn't want to go to Trail of Terror mad early and save me money?!

Arg what? It's only 320? Goddam I'm bored. Erik's off getting things ready for his sisters' wedding tomorrow. I told him I wanted to go today. But then changed my mind [yet again] cause um her wedding is tomorrow!! And I have nothing to wear, etc etc. I think I'll skip on this all exciting event. But congrats! regardless.

I don't even want to think about getting married. Not after the "stunt" Dan pulled this morning. Erik is so beyond pissed at Dan and said he ever crossed his path he would punch him. I told Erik if he did this, I'd dump his ass. Cause honestly yes I know its bothering Erik but it's not like Dan's forcing anything on me. He's just trying to show me how he loves me. Which isn't a crime. But at the same a little bit of an issue.

AH. I swear I'm gonna go crazy. Why did I have to leave my Jimmy Buffet book at home?! And Cheryl not texting me back is giving me anxiety. I feel like she's pissed that I paid Jess for the europlates. But um hi its been like a month. And its my money. Sorry that I don't have a gazillion dollars to pay you. She actually really didn't buy me ANYTHING at Six Flags soo I'm not really certain why I'm paying her back 20?

Makes no sense to me. =( Fail. But honestly she can't spend 20? Even I can..and I have like 40 bucks to my name. I know shes mad cause I can't pay for her and its bothering me sooo fcken much. I just wanna crrryyyyy.

OR scream. Probably scream is more like it. I feel like she might "ditch" me cause..oh Idk. Why do I always have to think the worst. People annoy me like woah.



Ok. I love my best friend. But honestly [and this is gonna sound harsh] but she is such an opionated fucking bitch sometimes. No I mean sometimes its honestly to the point where I just wanna fucken smack her. I know I'm being way harsh..but she just like, I don't know, she has to choose her words more wisely.

All I did was tell her there was a slim chance [like 1%] that Corey might come with us to the Trail of Terror cause we were all talking about last night soo I invited him since Cheryl && I decided that we wanted to go to that instead of Haunted Graveyard. And she's like well I don't like him at all. Woah there way to be harsh!!!! So I replied back,[we are txting fyi! lol] ok nvrmind then. And she's like OH! No I don't care I'm just saying I couldn't hang with him everyday. Um. Wait where did I say I was gonna hang with him everyday?! I EVEN can only take Corey in small doses.

But I thought it was nice to invite him since he mentioned he wanted to go. That's the thing about her. If it doesn't go her way she can be a frickin bittch. And it honestly pisses me off.

Wow-I feel better. I'm sure she made that comment..oh forget why she made that comment. I don't care. I'm so sick of ppple. I just wanna scream.

So tomorrow I have some stuff to take care of. How exciting. [not!] I have to go get Charlie's tire fixed. [theres a screw in it!] Then I'm gonna wash him and vaccuum him and get him looking pimp for Sunday.

He currently has bird doo-doo running down the drivers side door. So it's def. due time for him to get a bath and vaccuum. I think actually tomorrow night I might [and this is a big one!] go out to dinner with Mom && Dad. Just because I don't wanna be bored outta my mind.

Which I am right now. Cause it's Friday. And there's nothing ever to do on Friday's. But its almost lunch time. Soo that's means my baberz will be home soon from work. And that makes me happy. =)

I had to call him this morning. He was soo funny. I was like whatcha doing..[it was 750!] and he was like Oh just about to get up its 650. And I was like um, it's actually 750. [he had to be in work for 8!]

Sooo thats about it. I'll be honest tho [and I know baberz you read this] but sometimes I feel like his mom more than his girlfriend! [get your butttt up lazy!!] Jp. But yeah sometimes it bothers me a tad.

I'll probably write more lata cause I'm so bored. =(

Why me?

Poor Erik. I mean honestly. Last night and this morning. Last night me, Erik and my cousin went to the Canton gtg per usual. We got there and chilled with Corey for a while and Erik was getting pissed cause Corey was hardcore flirting with me. But it's just Corey's personality. Sooo eventually he realized it and got over it.

Then this morning I came into work and said hi to my boss as usual and she was giving me this funny look and asked if everything was alright. I said yea..and then she told me that I had presents on my desk and I walked in and the first thing I saw was flowers and an iced coffee and bagel. I was confused until I saw the letter under the flowers with the Ex Fiance's telltale writing on it. So I sat down opened the letter and began reading it. And I told Erik. Who now bascially is on a warpath straight for Dan. Honestly I would probably be the same way. To me its not a big deal just something to shrug off and go YES DAMNIT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME!!! but it's not gonna change anything.

I'm in love with Erik. He amazes me. He's sweet, sincere, an amazing kisser and makes me laugh soo much it's ridicuolus. We've only been together for a little over 2 wks..but it feels like we've been together for years. We just have that connection. We say the same things at the same times, or one of us will say something the other is thinking. And its not any run of the mill comments either. It's like a billion in one chance these things will be said. We chase each other round like we're 12. It's sooo much fun.

I remember once this guy I dated Brian, his mom once said that you know you're in love when you act retarded and childish around each other. =) True story. I mean we are talking..Erik and I are already soo comfortable with each other that I can fart [yes fart!] on him..and he laughs hysterically [so do i!]. We think farting is hilarious [i have no clue why!] and I don't know we have a lot of the same interests but at the same time some differences. We are best friends and lovers.

I mean me and the Ex were best friends..but that's about where it ended. I don't know. I just wish Dan would get over me. I know that's harsh but he needs a dose of reality. He needs to know that yes I'll always love him and if he ever is in a tight spot I'll help him..but it's not so much about him and my unhappiness anymore. It's about me and my happiness. And right now..I'm so amazingly happy. =) Thanks to a certain boy. =)


I ain't looking down but I see no one above me.

Blah. It's Thursday. I need to figure out what I want to do with that title. I wanna make into a tat, but I don't know how. I wish I could put it on my wrist or something cause I so would! But I work an office job and it wouldn't look good if I pursued another field working with people.

Oh! I just thought of a place to put that title. Maybe, on my foot? I don't know I'll look around to see what my options are. Either on my foot or on the bottom part of my stomach. I still want to get Live Laugh Love in a circle on my shoulder blade.

But for now I'm poor and that's ok. It will come in due time. =)

HM. I don't know. Maybe the first week of November I'll get one of em. Probably the one on my shoulder blade. I'm excited for sure.

So lets see.

Right Foot-Vw Rabbit Symbol
Left Foot- I ain't looking down but I see no one above me.
Shoulder Blade-Live Laugh Love

I think those sound good. =) They're all hidden [pretty much] so I can get em.

OoO so tomorrow night going to the Haunted graveyard with Cheryl. I'm so stoked. I looove it.
Then Sunday is the last official show of the season. I decided I wanted to go to Show n Go in Jersey because a) I want Sonic b) I wanna spend time with my lover and c) cause his car is broken. [haha]

I'm on really random tangents today. =)

Seriously. I've gone crazy..and I know why too. =)


Tranny Blow!

Hm. Thinking about this title, you can probably take it in two ways. If in fact you have a perverted mind like myself. [hehehe] So anyway, last night kinda sucked a tad. Erik called me like he usually does right before he came to my house. But he was saying fuck, fuck, fuck. Which obviously wasn't good. So I finished getting ready and went outside to see if he was there yet and yea he was and very upset. His tranny blew! Soo he wasn't very happy, and I stayed back a good distance and let him cool off. Eventually he did so I thought it was a good time to tell him that I had AAA and free towing for up to a 100 miles. I've had it for like the last 3 yrs now and not once have I used it on myself. [knock on wood] So I bascially saved his butt.

But now he's without a car. Which means I'm not sure if he wants to take the Bunnni down. Cause I still wanna go. Last show of the season yo!

Then after the flatbed came and they got his car and he went with em. I was bored soo I went out with the EX. We didn't do much, just got some ice cream and talked. He still wants to be his again but Erik makes me really happy. Plus, I'm just really unsure that we will ever work regardless of my status.

So bascially that was my night. I'm so not looking forward to this weekend. I'm gonna be soo broke. Gotta pay Jess for my europlates and Cheryl and I are going to the Haunted Graveyard on Friday night and Show-n-Go on Sunday.



Last Show FTL! ={

So this past weekend has made me soo exhausted. But it was awesome!!

On Saturday I went with my BBFF [inside joke] to Six Flags New England. We met up with some of her co-workers there. They are all amazingly fun. They all pretty much went on the BIG rollercoasters and scary rides. But I didn't have to worry about being alone. [haha] This guy that my BBFF works with, Long [yes that's his real name!], well his girlfriend is just as wussy as me..so I bascially chilled with her the whole day and watched people go on the rides. It was still fun though. I did go on one ride though. It was like some raft ride, where you climb up this hill in this big tube and then go down this slide..and it spins you around and around and around. But you don't get wet is a good thing. [I wasn't in the mood] The only things that sucked about that day were, the lack of non-scary rides, my lunch being $13 for chicken tenders and a soda, the wait for the haunted attractions [2 hours!], and the fact that we lost the whole group and I was dying to leave by then. [my feet were killing me!] But it was still lots of fun!!!

Sunday I woke up at the buttcrack of dawn. Ok..it wasn't THAT early. I woke up when Erik called me around 815..then fell back asleep till 900. Then he came and got me around 915. We headed down to Town Fair Tire to meet everyone else. Blah Blah..so we finally got on the road around like 1015. [yay!] And of course my group[Absolut] was cruisin at near old pple speed, so Jenna was driving Jason's car and took off soo then Erik followed her [thank God!] And we ended up passing by this gtg of cars, so we turned around and drove up with them. And passed Absolut on the way. [haha]. Of course Jay [love him, BFF!] came and said hi to us and he was the only one. As usual. But all day loong I kept getting stares from Ty Ty like I was committing a crime by sitting with HatCityDubs and not Absolut. Oh well. SOo after the show we all went to the Dirty Water [aka Waterbury] and just chilled at the mall. And that was pretty much my weekend.

Sooo this weekend..Erik won't be around much. On Friday night he has rehersal dinner for his sister's wedding. And Saturday is the wedding. [Nope not going, um cause I don't like mass groups of people I don't know!] And Sunday is Show-n-Go in Dirty Jersey [New Jersey]. I wasn't gonna go to that, but I just I don't know..grrr. I just hate how I feel Absolut is being towards me. WHATEVE yo! So, Show-n-Go FTW! It's also the last show of the season. [=(] Makes me sooo frickin sad! BUt it's all good. Time to get Charlie in winter mode and save up for stuff for him. =] YAY!

Blah. I'm bored. Seriously.


Taking a day for me!!

So I'm sitting here at home..yay! I've been working at my job for 10 months now and have never taken a day off..so today I did. It's a "sick" day and actually honestly I do feel like shit. Eeeek. I feel like I wanna throw up but I think it's just my nerves, cause this morning I called into work and the answering service picked up and I told this chick I was calling out. I waited all morning but my boss never called, soo I hope she doesn't think I just didn't bother to call out. Ugh..I hope that's it and that I'm not getting the stomach buggie or the flu.

It's nice to just lounge around and do nothing. It's almost 11 though and Erik gets outta work in an hour soo after this I'm for sure gonna go and get ready. I'm sooo lazy though. Talked to the ex last nite and he called me hunni. I didn't mean to stop him but I did and then he got upset cause he realized it. He wrote a blog about it on myspace and I don't know it was really well not random..but ehhh I don't know. I wish he could get over me. [I just want him to be happy].

Actually he just called, to ask if I was going to hang out with Erik, cause he wanted to grab lunch..but ehhhh its better that we not see each other.

Oh and I did go to driver retraining. It sucked OF COURSE!!!! It was soo boring..and this kid asked the same question I had in mind..his license gets suspended today too and the instructor was like you're screwed. Well I think you're only screwed if you get caught drivin with a suspended license till the stuff goes through. So for the next 7-10 days I just have to be really careful and drive only from point A to B or have someone else drive my car. Soo no biggie.

It sucks but I did it to myself so I can't blame anybody but me. Ehhhhh. Stuff happens.


I'm bored.

Ah. So it's 3:47 pm. Blah, an hour and 15 mins left till I get out. Then I have run down the street, get gas, hop on the highway and hopefully make it to Watertown quick as a bunnni[haha. i have a bunnni..anyway]cause they make you drop off your stupid payment for the class there..then I have to run to Waterbury [wont take that long] and go to that stupid 4 hour class. Where literally, you watch a bunch of movies and take some silly test. I just want to get it over and done with.

I don't understand myself sometimes. I ALWAYS work myself up over the stupidest stuff. It's really honestly unneccessary. But I suppose I do it more sub consciously then consciously. Like my mind knows if it freaks out then the supposed thing will be all that much better. I really don't know what I'm talking about.

But I cannot wait for this day to be over and for tomorrow to happen. I'm taking a "personal" day. I mean I have been working here for oh. ten months now. And the only time I've taken off was when I thought I had pink eye and I think that's it! And I came into work tooooo. Oh wait sorry I did leave another early once cause I didn't feel good. BUt seriously, 2 days [technically still coming to work] out of work early outta 10 months is really freakin good. I mean I have taken two vacas, very small ones tho. Once was to Florida in July and I took a Friday and Monday off. And then the one to Ocean City MD where I just took a Monday off. Then I have my looong week in Novemeber. Which is gonna be awesome! I can up early on black Friday and go shopping!

I know I'm weird..I actually enjoy black Friday. I enjoy the crowds and the non-existence of a parking spot and the sales. [dont most pple tho?]

But I suppose I kinda sorta enjoy the holidays. To an extent. I guess the only thing I don't like is the snow and cold. Altho it'd be weird not to have that. It's like that's how Christmas is portrayed. And if I were to move to Florida..there's none of that. It's just clear blue skies, warm temps, and an ocean. And your Christmas tree? I'd soo rock a palm tree as a Christmas tree down there.

It's like there's no sipping hot chocolate and going out into the freezing cold picking out a Christmas tree. No baking all day and watching the snow fall. WOOTTTTTT!!!!

That'd be awesomesauce, no lie! Well I'm gonna stop rambling now. My cutie should be home in a few..yay! =D

Wish me luck in that damn class. Grrr.

And as the leaves change, so do I.

::Yawn:: I am soo tired. But its a common thing for me now. I've been getting home after midnite now every night [much to my mother's chargrin]. I can't help it! I looove spending time with Erik. And the time flys when we're together. So yesterday I got a message from Dan's best friends' sister. She bascially called me a bitch and told me that I had lost something amazing. [to each their own..i suppose] I was like really now?! Really?! I've never even met her but from what I've heard she used to be in love with my ex. Oh well. I mean if it was back in high school I mite have gone on an all out war path style. But I only defended myself cause hi you don't know me..not everyone knows who I am or what happened. But thanks!

Anyway, tonite I have driver re-training. [someone shoot me please!] I've been having anxiety all day lonnng. Ok..its only 1016am but still! Oh well it's 4 hrs of my life wasted in a classroom instead of in jail. It's gonna be boring and pointless and blahhh but whatever. I'll get over it. Then I won't have to worry.

This weekend loooks like a good one. Tomorrow night is the HatCityDübs gtg. Then Saturday Cheryl invited me to go to Six Flags cause her co-workers are going..soo of course I'll go!!! Then Saturday night going to the bar with the Absolut crew..and Sunday is the Euromafia show. YAY!

It's supposed to be a beautiful 70 degree fall weekend. =]

I'm excccittted.


Dub Life.

So. There is techinically three weeks left until the end of the season. Makes me wayy sad. Course there is still get togethers to go too!! BUT no more shows. =[ This Sunday is the Euromafia show up near UCONN..next Sunday is Dubs in the Trees 3..which looks siiiick..[it'll be my first time!] and then there is a fall foliage cruise thruout Northwest CT the Sunday after that. And that is it. I myself am embarking on a project that even my boyfriend doesn't know about. [he's gonna read this and be upset..hehe] Ok well he knows I wanna do it..he just doesn't know that I'm probably doing it for the last show of the year. [hehehe]

So movin on last night went to the AbsolutDübs gtg [my crew] and everything went smoothly. I apologized to Ryan..Corey came and was all cool with everything. Made me haaaaappppy. [haha] Well, while I was pulling into the plaza where we meet, I get a text message from Facebook that says you have a new comment from Leah C. and no lie..I scroll down to read it..and it says "whore much?" The first thing I did was call the ex and tell him to tell his nice little friends [leah was my friend, one of dan's best is datin her] to not write crap on my facebook..let alone my wall.

I ignored it at first..ehh whatever..talk what u want..no one knows the whole TRUE story. But then I had signed on to Facebook hours later and I'm readin the news feed. And I see that Leah had commented her little bro [i met him once..he's in a band and we went to see em play, he's like 16, noooooo wayyy] and she said, you need to disown nickie as a friend, she was the one that came with me to the concert, i'll telll you later if you wannnttt. I'm pretty sure he doesn't care..but whatever..that ticked me off. I don't need stuff spread around about me.

So I wrote her a message and said well way to be mature calling me a whore on my facebook wall..i wasn't gonna say anything till you freaked and became obsessed with telling everyone about it. And I said idc cause ITS MY LIFE and I'M HAPPY..I have what I need. Sooo. Hopefully she gets the point and shuts her mouth.

Well, this morning. I log onto myspace as usual. And Heather [nother friend..she's married to Justin..anyway] sends me a message asking me if I'll tell her what my "side" of the story was. So I do and I tell her all about how the cops came because Dan was loitering creepy like in front of my house.

[what happened was..I didnt answer my phone one nite for like an hour and he flipped and came to my house]

So I told her that bothered me and that I hadn't been happy with him in a looong time. Sure there was a two week period where I WAS happy but I wasn't ever gonna get that happiness back. The true pure I'm soo excited and always HAPPY to be with you. Sooo then she asks me if the whole "cop" thing..was an excuse for an out! I'm like maybe a tad but nah. And she hasn't written back but whatever. It's dumb. I don't need to explain myself to the mass population so people don't talk about me. I really don't care. The people that matter to me know.

I'm happy. I couldn't be any happier at the moment. And I hope one day Dan's happy. I hope one day I can approach his friend's and say hi without them ripping me apart. But for now. It's whateve.


I'm an alarm..BEEP BEEP!!

Wow. I'm addicted to writing. Seriously though. I am!!! I don't know. I always have been. I think in weird ways in my head. I think about something profound I can put in my myspace blurb. I'm crazy like that. I was just reading an old neighbor's blog, he recently moved to Florida, Orlando area so I see. [I'm dying to move to Deerfield Beach Fl and live out my days there] Orlando is amazing but ever since I visited South Florida, I'm hooked. So anyway back on topic [my mind wanders soo much], Matt's blog link was on his myspace so I clicked on it. He's an awesome writer by the way. Well he's going to UCF for writing..which I'd love to do. Well not UCF obviously..but oh you get it.

So I'm finding out that a lot of people I know have blogs. Which is pretty snazy. I'd share the link with the people I know too. But honestly...I rather be just another page in the wind. Let the unknown read what is known to me.

Oh my title..haha. It has nothing to do with Dane Cook whatsoever. It actually is a joke..sorta. Erik has this issue with getting up if he's really tired. He just sleeps thru his alarm. Like this afternoon for example. We were talking over AIM..and he said he had a headache so I told him to go take a nap. He went and I knew he has class at 2:40..so I watched the time slowly float by..he told me he'd IM me when he was leaving..so by almost 2:30 I decided I should probably call him. So I did..saving his butt once again from missing class. [I love doing it actually, he's so cute when he wakes up] I was gonna let him sleep but it's not my class so I have no clue if he had to go or not. And luckily today he did..he had a test so go me!! haha.

Anyway. I don't know. I've got stuff to do now. Soooo..peace from the East [Coast] for now.


Is it fair?

So I've been thinking. It is fair that I'm getting all this happiness while my ex is getting absolutely nothing? Night after night he sits at home..or calls up his friends..and goes over one of their houses. Which should help him..but no his friends only care about themselves and drinking. So of course me with the HUGE heart..I still talk to him. Daily. To make sure he's ok. Erik's ok with this..he understands. But it's come to an end. Dan and I decided it'd be better to just stop talking completely. Which is good and bad all at the same time. Good-cause maybe he'll get over me. Bad-cause I'm afraid he mite do something. But I doubt it. I mean I took the leap and posted oh so cute pics of me and Erik. ♥ This kid is amazing. Ask anyone..I rarely post pics..and esp. those cheesy kissing ones. [sorry if pple like em!] Soo obvii he must be uber impt to me. =D

Sooo bascially...the guilt factor is slighty sucking away at me. I mean in the matter of a week..I got my best friend back[she was mad at me! long story], I got my absolutdubbers group back[read i busted h20!], I have a new dub club I'm in [hat city, erik's group], I'm doing better with my money, I'm seeing old friends and talking to one of my dearest ex best friends. Now you're probably like shut up! and just go with it. But I mean I HURT Dan alot. And here he is..laying at home by himself..sad, depressed, anxious with NO ONE! while I have an abudance of people to keep me company. I'm not really sure what's gonna happen next but I'm a lil nervous..everything good always is followed by something bad.

Well I know that tonite I have to without a doubt call for my retraining appt. If I don't get a class by Friday my license WILL BE SUSPENDED till I take the class. But I do remember [ok ive been twice] that they give u a sheet or something and you're supposed to hand it to a cop if you're paperwork isn't processed yet and he's supposed to let you go..seeing as you took the class. So now I just need to make sure I get this class before Friday and I'm all set. Then I won't be so paranoid that I'll get arrested for driving on a suspended license. lol.

Soo that's about it for now in my thought blobs.

Happiness?? What is the true definition?

So I was on myspace.com this morning. And my ex wrote a blog about happiness. Which makes me wonder. Is happiness the same definition for everyone? I don't believe so. I'd like to think so though. His whole blog was about losing me..and how he hopes that I realize that happiness is with him. But unfortunately I don't think THAT will ever happen. I am soo utterly and completely happy with Erik. And I've been thru a fair amount of love, hate and relationships to know this is something amazing. We've been dating for 6 days now. I've felt like I've been dating him forver..I feel like I've known him forever. We are sooo childish together sometimes but at the same time we are so mature with each other. It's amazing, a blind person could see our connection. I've never felt soo strongly towards someone before.

I've never actually enjoyed sitting around either. Anyone that knows me..knows that I am not capable of sitting around. But I did.

So here comes the recap:


Friday nite me && cheryl hopped in the bunnni and met up with Erik so that I could go to my first HatCityDübs get together since I am now apart of them. It wasn't as bad as I expected..it was all the down into NY, not too bad..like a half hour drive. Quite a fun one too. So we cruised down there and met behind this mini golf place..I got outta my car [no lie] and like all Eriks friends were standing round me. I felt a lil flushed..I'm not good with large groups of people [ie why i'm not going to Eriks sisters wedding...PLUS..we havent been dating for long..]. Soo we all gotz to talking..and everyone decided to go to exit 2..[best way to describe it] off 84. We went into Starbucks..but got kicked out by the manager cause everyone wasnt drinking coffee. [i feel like even if we all did..they'd still kick us out] So then we outside and chilled in the parking lot..which wasn't that bad..it was just a little on the cold side. Eventually we left..then I took Cheryl home && went home.

Saturday I woke up and got ready..then Erik came and picked me up. He got to meet my parents which I feel like went well..except..well I'll get to that in a moment. Sooo he met them..talked car stuff with my Daddy of course. Then we left and went to Cheryl's. She was home watching her brother cause her parents were away on a motorcycle cruise thruout the Northeast. So we chilled out..brought her brother to the mall and such soo he could spend his birthday money. And let me tell you..I HAVE never seen Alex take to a guy so well as he took to Erik. I've known Alex for ever and he's pretty much like my brother..quiet shy kid who doesn't like very many people. But Alex adorred him. And Erik toook to him almost too well. [now thinking about it..its kinda weird my best friends brother loves my boyfriend] It was adorable to watch..but a little strannnge cause Erik's only 19..and I had made a comment to him that he'd be a really good dad. [dont ever say to someone that young..regardless of their mentality.] He took that in a weird way. I think he was just scared to hear that..cause he knew it was true. Soo then we went back to Cheryl's made ice cream sundaes..sooo goood. And just chilled out and watched Doomsday. [very good mooovie] Sooo after the movie we just chilled out talking and snuggling. It was very cute. haha.

So Sunday I woke up round 11, ate some chicken breast for lunch out of a can. [haha] Then Erik came and picked me up and we went back to Cheryl's house again. We decided to go to the grocery store and get some snacks to go along with the bow-tie pasta with chicken, and veggie mix. [soo good] So we got some pumpkin pie and cookies. We went home and made the pumpkin pie..then started dinner for us and the boys [erik and alex obvii] and sat around and had a very nice dinner. It was way yummmmie. Then we cleaned up..and it was kinda scary [in a good way] cause it was like we were a little family. Cheryl loved it. She scares me somtimes though because she so badly wants to be a mommy and a wife. I mean I'm just not down with that anymore. So after that we just chilled again. Then went home.

And honestly..the whole sitting around thing with Erik is not like me at all. I'm alot more wanna go out all the time..but I loveed just sitting back and chilling with him.

He's amazing and I can't wait to see what the future brings. <333


I Busted H20!

Sorry..it has been one stressful week!

So bascially. What happened was...

Me and the ex rolled into Ocean City MD round 200am.
Went to the condo, said hello to everyone..and pretty much passed out.
It took us exactly six hours to get there.

[you're probably wonderin why i went with him!? cause he already paid && no one else could go!]


Saturday morning I was awoken by Ryan..I don't know why he scared me..all I heard was him say good morrrning to Tim and I woke straight up. Realizing where I was [after about 5 mins] I immediately got up..[the floor wasn't as undercomfortable as i thought!!] and went into the room that Jess and Lou were sharing with Ty. So we all went into the kitchen//family room..and ate some cereal..then all got ready and decided to go find a scooter rental..since Ty wanted to take rolling shots. That completely failed. It was 75 for 4 hrs and 100 deposit. So Jay and Tim wanted to wash their cars..and all the boys were together..so they went back to get jays car..but didnt come back to our spot..so Jess and Lou left and me and the ex left and just went for a drive. We came back later to find Sarah && Brian walking around and the door locked too..so we all decided after a lovely walk on the beach that we would go to the Bad Ass BBQ..

So the four of us went to the BBQ..it wasn't too too bad, till it decided to torrentialy downpour on us when we got there..but we stuck it out via Volkswagen ponchos! [haha. they were sick!] So we chilled for a little longer..cause I was on the hunt for a Europlate. [aka European Licence Plate] Then the four of us left..went back to the condo..and I asked Jay if he wanted to go the MkV get together [MkV-ex. 2006-2009, the model number for a certain amount of years.][Get Together-group of people who stand and show off their cars and talk about stuff]. So Jay [has a B-5 Passat sedan], me and Ryan [MkV GTI in black] and Tim [Mk3 Jetta] all rolled down to the get together..looked round then left. So we went back to the condo..and all had some pasta..which I was pretty bummed out.cause hi we're on vaca and there are plenty of places to eat!! NO matter tho..it was very tasty.

After dinner the ex and I went over to 15th st..and went to my friend Dean's beach house. We walked in and who do I see lying on the couch..my friend Ashley!! I was soo excited to see her. I tried to wake her up but she wasn't really having that. Eventually she woke up by herself and got soo excited that I was there. She was like my Connecticut girl is here!! So we chilled and what not and then all of a sudden Danny from Pa came outta no where. [i knew he was there but thought he'd stay hiding] He just walked into the kitchen and back out. [fling like a yr ago..bad.haha]

So I chilled with them for a looong while..then went back to the condo..and played some Kings with some of my friends. And oh boy it got rowwdy. Amy [Jay's gf] was joking round and shoved Ty and Ty's chair hit a taller chair and fell right into a painting and smashed the glass a bit. EeKk! So thankfully we are insured up to a 1,000 if anything breaks..so I'm thinking we'll be good. I hope.

Eventually we all went to bed..thank goodieness.

The next day we woke up and Dan and myself wanted some real breakfast so we went to the Dough Roller..came back and of course everyone was gone but Brian and Sarah. So again the four of us tracked down to the show..and it started pouring yet again. Darn racetrack!!! Haha. Soo we were styling in the ponchos. =D haha. Eventually the sun came up and it was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. After the show we went back and changed and then the four went to dinner, the boardwalk, mini golf, ice cream, and the beach. [i know all couple like things..but me && him know whats best for us] Soo then we went back to the condo and it was locked!! It was like 1130..we figured ok..they mite have went for a walk..well we asked them where they were and they wouldnt answer, granted this is like 8 pple together. So whateve..Sarah && Brian start getting mad..and Brian calls her an inconsiderate fudging biiatch. Which I did not appreciate...but she wasnt answering the phone..sooo. But that was way extreme. So whatever..I went for a drive came back and they were there!!! So i was mad..walked out and slammed the door. So I guess Tim had asked the ex what was wrong and he said nothing we were just bored and went out and you guys locked the door..and Jess walked by apparently and said thats cause you were hanging out with Bri...so I thought she was angry and me && Dan decided to go home rite then and there.

So me starting packing up stuff and Bri and Sarah came back and Sarah was on Bri's phone with her mom. So then Sarahs mom wanted to talk to Jess [they're sisters] soo Sarah went and handed Jess the phone. Sooo Sarah was just talking to me and Dan..then went to get the phone back and Jess was like I don't know where I put it..and Bri was in a pisssssed mood..soo he told Jess give me backin my effin phone!!! And so then Lou jumped in and said don't talk to her like that..and Bri got his phone back and was about to grab all his stuff when Lou jumped on him..put him in a chokehold and then punched him in the face as he was getting pulled off by Ryan!!!!!

So we took our crap..and left...but I ended up going back cause Bri wanted his t-shirt that he forgot. So I went in and got it and Lou wanted to know why I was mad but I just ignored him..and then he said helllooo Nickie I'm effing addressing you..so I whipped round..[no one disrespects me..i don't take crap anymore!] and said you wanna know why I was mad and stated everything...then bascially just peaced out.

So the looong drive home started. Left OCMD around 2am..got back home at 830am. We had to stop a bunch of times soo Bri could get out and stretch before he fell asleep. So at one of the gas stations I bought the 5-hr energy drink..and I was AWAKE! [it really works!] Soo I ended up bascially just talking to Erik [ill get to that soon] and Dan when he was half awake.

So bascially that was my trip..pretty much sucked due to rain and miscommunication. Booooo!

So durin that weekend I kinda stopped talking to Corey. On thursday nite he pissed me off by ignoring me then ditchin me. =/ [Boo to him]. I had been doing a lot with Erik..showing him where get togethers were and stuff..and we just started liking each other more and more. So eventually we hung out on Monday and Tuesday..and somehow I swear its amazing..we have such a great conncection. We will say and do the same things at the same time. When he kisses me he gives me butterflies like you would't believe!! He's amazing in every way. He told me the sweetest thing..I can't promise you a long term relationship or marriage or anything after that. But I can promise you that I will be the best I can be for you. [cheesy but so true!]

So last nite Erik finally asked me to be his gf. I must say I'm dating quite the hottie. But he only has eyes for me. Which amazes me!?!

Also..today I talked to Jess && Lou and pretty much explained myself and they explained themselves..soo bascially I'm back in AbsolutDübs [couldnt be happier!!!] and I'm also in my bfs club HatCityDübs [they bascially both hang out together soo].

Theres the second to last show next week. =/ It's being put on by EüroMafia..its near the University of Connecticut..soo Lou thought it'd be cool if HatCity and Absolut rolled to it together. Soo everythings coming together nicely. I have my clubs..my dub..my bf..and my best friend aka my ex. =D