It's ((Almost)) My Birthday and I'll Cry If I Want To.

I honestly wouldn't mind winning the lottery right about now. I'd pay off my bills that I'm "in debt" with, pay off Charlie and buy a house or apartment or condo or whatever in Florida ((probably Deerfield Beach or Key West)) and start life a new.

On Monday is my 23rd birthday. I'm excited but more so on the sad side. I wanted to do something, anything for it this weekend..but of course, there's no one to share in that. PA Lova left around 11am today for PA, Lil Cuz is studying all weekend, J.Wilt is having a party and doing his own thing with his friends.

Kerri called me last night cryyying like no other because Chris broke up with her but of course, she's happily back with him. And obvii doesn't need or want to hang out with me. On top of that, the ex ripped me a new one today and made me feel guilty yet again for not wanting to be with him. ((Listen, he's an amazing guy but I just DO NOT have the same feelings for him))

Wednesday is tentatively scheduled for Swan and I's birthday celebration at Pig Out BBQ but even I'm not looking forward to that because he invited J.Dubs and Lou. Who will probably end up turning it to "their" own thing, similar to what they did last year. I remember I wanted to eat at a certain restaurant but no, it wasn't good enough with them, so we ended going to Texas Roadhouse, which wasn't a bad choice, just not mine ((really.)) We waited 2 hrs to be seated and pretty much the whole time I got biitched at for it by J.Dubs because I had forgotten to call ahead and remind the good staff there that we were coming.

My birthday has never really been good, not because my friends are completely shitty ((ok mostly they were, too many fake all about me types up here)) but because it just didn't work out ever.

I remember it was my 9th birthday..I was at Chuck E. Cheese, and my mom was passing out tokens to everyone else and I got mine last. We joke about it now, but at the time, I cried.

I sometimes I wish that I could exaggerate about how often I get screwed over by people, no matter how much I take time out of my life for them. I just wish people would careee more..of course that isn't the case, so I'm just bascially gonna suck it up and deal with it.

I wish I could tell you, it doesn't hurt that Swan got in the car last night and was soo super excited, because he had just received a text from J.Dubs about having everyone get together and cruise down for Dubs on the Beach in Ocean City, MD at the end of this upcoming month. That it doesn't hurt that absolutely all my friends ((ok except J.Wilt)) will be down there having fun in the sun, because for some reason J.Dubs has it out for me and did not invite me.

I wish that I could tell you that it doesn't hurt that I try so hard to make people happy. That I try to be the best friend a person could ask for, but yet still get shit on. I wish I could tell you that it doesn't hurt that I'll probably never be with Coco, that he's probably only using me for sex, and that I should probably get that notion out of my head at the moment.

And I wish I could tell you that I'm gonna have the best pre-birthday weekend ever, but I know I won't...because Nice Girls/Guys, whatever always finish last.