Your Shallowness Creates An Emptiness..

So. Last night I was pretty sure I was going to have a heart attack, thanks to the Ex. He texted me yesterday before my lunch as usual. He told me he was taking a half day, something I have learned he clearly believes he needs. So, I was like, "ok let's do lunch." Of course he said yes.

So, I got in his car and he was visibly upset. I asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't tell me. I thought and thought and thought and somehow I have this innate ability to be able to pick up on people and see exactly what is wrong.

Out of all the things that could be wrong, I choose to ask, "you got fired, didn't you?" I am then met with a slight up and down nod of the head and a huge sob. I try and press him with details but of course he's hesitant to tell me. Fianlly, throught the sobs, I get a little something out of him.

I asked, "So, what happened," and in response I get, "I don't know, my boss just told me he was letting me go." "Oh, well did he say why?" In response, "No, I just walked out after that, what else needed to be said?" I sat there and pondered this. Of course the answer was simple..he STILL is NOT over ME! It's been a month now. And all that's happened is he has sprialed down into an even deeper depression.

I look at him, and then, I let him have it. (For his own good.) I said, "Listen, this gonna be really harsh and bitchy, but GET OVER IT!" "Look at what you're doing to your life, you're smoking again (cigs and weed), you're getting drunk (or trying to) and you have gotten you're first speeding ticket and now you've lost your job!"

I sit back, waiting for a response. All I get is another up and down nod and a sob. I think, and then start blaming myself. (Of course) I say, "I'm sorry for ruining your life." He looks at me and tells me, "You didn't ruin my life. I ruined my life."

So, that was about it. I gave him a hug, he cried, I left and IMed him when I thought he was home just to see that he was a little bit better.

Then, I went about my day, talking to my lover on AIM, then going home, eating dinner, then going to the lovers house. Where I finally met his sister. Which was alot of fun actually. She's so sweet. His mom and sis scared me a tad though when I first came in cause they got soo excited. (It makes me feel awkward and happy at the same time.)

So, we played some video games, I finally met Erik's sister's hubby (he's a cool guy too) and we were all just sitting there in the living room. I sat down in the cat's favorite chair. (Hey, she was sitting on her foot stool thing!) And all of a sudden, she jumped up, walked across me, and then went over to Erik. (Ok, you're probably wondering where I'm going with this..hold on!) Then, she turned around, and came back over and more or less put her butt in my face and allowed me to pet her. Meanwhile I hear Erik go, "Mom, pssst, Mom look at Lucy." At this point his mom, sister, and Matt are all staring at me. Apparently as I've stated in previous blogs, his cat being that friendly is a weird occurence in his home. The only other person she likes is Erik's sister's hubby, which I guess in "Lucy" (the cat's name) terms is that I'm a keeper.

Which is not new news to me. So, yes Saturday is our one month only. But I feel like I could spend forever with this boy. We just have this amazingly deep connection. We get soo excited to see each other. Like ridic. excited. Like, hi I haven't seen you in a week excited everyday! I don't know, it's a strange feeling. Very strange. I suppose, this is what true love feels like. Like deep down true love. It's scary and exhilarating all at the same time.

Anywho, after that, Erik and I then went all the way back to my house, to get Charlie. =) He had me watch some sickk dyno testing vids on youtube. That excites me. No lie. So, I decided I wanted to hear Charlie purrr. =) So, we got my car then went to Arby's. In town here, there is a main strip and its called Rt. 6. Well, there is this part where it goes from two lanes to one lane. And so I'm going pretty quick up the hill to merge and for some reason this mini-van on the left of me, decides she is uber pissed at me, and literally tries to run me off the road! Like, I'm getting pretty close to the curb and she just keeps trying to pass me out. I'm like really, what the hell, so I sped up and finally got by her.

We fianlly made it to Arby's, and just went in and chilled with everyone. There wasn't any room left at the table Lou, Jess and Jay were sitting at. So, I sat next to Bry and across from Amanda and Kyle. (Bascially no one likes Amanda cause she runs her mouth.) So, we're just all sitting there talking. Pretty much about alot of nothing. So eventually Bry Amanda and Kyle leave..Erik and I wait about 10 mins and then leave. And we're saying bye to everyone and of course Jess and Lou act all pissy towards us. Like a quick ok bye. I know why they're mad, a)cause we were talking to amanda and b)cause now we leave mad early. I don't know, it's just not that fun anymore. I feel shunned out cause I'm technically part of both Hat City and Absolut and I feel it bothers em. Plus, Erik and I like to leave early so we can get some snuggling time in. <33

So, we go home and do just that, watch a little Disney Channel and Family Guy. So, like I've been doing for the past couple of days, I call the Ex to see how he's doing. And he doesn't answer. So I try to call him again and he still doesn't answer, and so I start to freak out a little, wondering if he was driving somewhere and he got into an accident (it was raining and snowing) or he decided to take a lot more sleeping pills then required. So, eventually I fell asleep, woke up and tried to call to call him again, but he still didn't answer. So, I came here and he was on myspace and AIM, but wouldn't and still hasn't. But, luckily he was playing Xbox this morning so it's safe to assume he's ok. Which makes me feel better.

Now, I think he's trying to get me out of his head and life. Which is good. It's time he moved on and time I stopped caring so much for him.