12.09.2008

Live Your Life.

A part of me cannot believe that it's almost 2009. Where have the years gone? This upcoming year will mark five years, five frickin years since I've been out of high school. Seriously?

(Wasn't I just in 4th period English class like yesterday?)

I remember the summer of 2003, right before the beginning of senior year. My neighborhood friend and unfortunately now, ex best friend and I were just swimming around in the pool. She had a thing for the guy two houses down, he was like 19? (I cannot even begin to remember). But what I do remember is that one day we went to his house, rang the doorbell, and had a lovely little conversation with him. I'm not exactly sure how we got into it, but all I really took from that conversation is something I think about daily, "Live your life now. These years are going to speed by before you can even blink, enjoy them."

Of course, even as profound as I thought I was, I was still 17. That comment sank in slightly, but not enough to really get me thinking. So, I finished up my high school career and went on with life.

I went to a community college in my birthplace, aka the Dirtee Water. I was going for Criminal Justice, to become a cop. One day, I gave up on going to class. Decided it wasn't something I wanted to do. Plus, I enjoyed my social life I had going, I was 18, single and enjoying everything. I didn't have a care in the world.

I worked part-time at Kohl's, cashiering. It was enough money for the time being.

Eventually, I decided I didn't know what the hell I wanted to do. I slowly got into the office environment, doing data entry, filing, level entry secretary work. I decided again I needed to go back to school. So, I took some general classes at the community college in the next town over.

A semester later, I decided I wanted to become a meteorologist. Until I found out how much math was involved. And how I could not even pass Elementary Algebra. (Forget ever getting to Calculus!)

Here I am. Twenty-two years old. Working full-time. Making probably far less than I should be. But, I can't complain because I have Charlie. But then I think to the future. I think about what I am going to do. There's a large number of years between now and the time when I want to have children. I do not want them till I'm 30. That's eight years of what?

Listless jobs, making just enough but at the same time not enough at all. I would love to move out with baberz in the next year or so. Possibly get engaged in that time span to two years. Be married in three, possibly?

(I know I sound crazy but we're already dead set in this, lol. Ya just know.)

My neighbor was right, before ya know it, before you can blink an eye, time just flys by.
I'm twenty-two working a full-time job. Which I'm proud of, but this is not something I want to do forever. And I can't go back to school full-time because of all the bills I have now.

I can only go part-time which will probably take me the next eight years to complete.
But, I need to find something and quick. I need to commit myself to this.

Because I'm not spending the next eight years relying on baberz to make all the money. He's only 19 now. I have three years on him. And I feel like disappointedly, all I can show for it is Charlie.

I love Charlie, but I need to insert myself into the real world. It's time.



1 you know you love me.:

Sheri said...

I'm 25, and feel the same way! Where did all that time go? Seriously, I feel like I was in HS just yesterday too. Shoot, even college. Funny thing is I did graduate with a B.S. Criminal Justice and can't find work with it. Apparently I'm overqualified or lack experience. Catch-22 there huh?

Maybe we are doing what we are supposed to be doing for now. When the right thing comes along, and I think it will for us both, we'll know it and be ready! :)