It's ((Almost)) My Birthday and I'll Cry If I Want To.

I honestly wouldn't mind winning the lottery right about now. I'd pay off my bills that I'm "in debt" with, pay off Charlie and buy a house or apartment or condo or whatever in Florida ((probably Deerfield Beach or Key West)) and start life a new.

On Monday is my 23rd birthday. I'm excited but more so on the sad side. I wanted to do something, anything for it this weekend..but of course, there's no one to share in that. PA Lova left around 11am today for PA, Lil Cuz is studying all weekend, J.Wilt is having a party and doing his own thing with his friends.

Kerri called me last night cryyying like no other because Chris broke up with her but of course, she's happily back with him. And obvii doesn't need or want to hang out with me. On top of that, the ex ripped me a new one today and made me feel guilty yet again for not wanting to be with him. ((Listen, he's an amazing guy but I just DO NOT have the same feelings for him))

Wednesday is tentatively scheduled for Swan and I's birthday celebration at Pig Out BBQ but even I'm not looking forward to that because he invited J.Dubs and Lou. Who will probably end up turning it to "their" own thing, similar to what they did last year. I remember I wanted to eat at a certain restaurant but no, it wasn't good enough with them, so we ended going to Texas Roadhouse, which wasn't a bad choice, just not mine ((really.)) We waited 2 hrs to be seated and pretty much the whole time I got biitched at for it by J.Dubs because I had forgotten to call ahead and remind the good staff there that we were coming.

My birthday has never really been good, not because my friends are completely shitty ((ok mostly they were, too many fake all about me types up here)) but because it just didn't work out ever.

I remember it was my 9th birthday..I was at Chuck E. Cheese, and my mom was passing out tokens to everyone else and I got mine last. We joke about it now, but at the time, I cried.

I sometimes I wish that I could exaggerate about how often I get screwed over by people, no matter how much I take time out of my life for them. I just wish people would careee more..of course that isn't the case, so I'm just bascially gonna suck it up and deal with it.

I wish I could tell you, it doesn't hurt that Swan got in the car last night and was soo super excited, because he had just received a text from J.Dubs about having everyone get together and cruise down for Dubs on the Beach in Ocean City, MD at the end of this upcoming month. That it doesn't hurt that absolutely all my friends ((ok except J.Wilt)) will be down there having fun in the sun, because for some reason J.Dubs has it out for me and did not invite me.

I wish that I could tell you that it doesn't hurt that I try so hard to make people happy. That I try to be the best friend a person could ask for, but yet still get shit on. I wish I could tell you that it doesn't hurt that I'll probably never be with Coco, that he's probably only using me for sex, and that I should probably get that notion out of my head at the moment.

And I wish I could tell you that I'm gonna have the best pre-birthday weekend ever, but I know I won't...because Nice Girls/Guys, whatever always finish last.

Superrr!

So, tonight I'm going to Coco's. And I'm kinda excited. [[lol]] First, we were gonna go out for drinks, Coco didn't wanna, so I said, "well I can get some and come over."

He considered it..then pretty much weighed it out. Waittt...WAIT!..did Coco really just pass up alcohol? OMG he did. He passed up the opportunity for me to buy him it too. He said, "I want to keep it low-key." Well, I certainly was not suggesting a party. But, I'm taking this as good sign.

He's been very odd to say the least. Has been really stepping up to the plate. Like with my whole birthday party thing, saying he was def. going to come. And last night, when he said he wanted to stay home tonight..I was like, "So you don't wanna chill?" And the response I got back was, "I do, I do." And him coming to the get together on Tuesday?!!

Is Coco finally maturing? Maybe he'll make it official tonight? If he doesn't though, I'm just gonna hush..just enjoy the time I have with him..and let whatever happens happen. =)

I still enjoy being single..plus with my reaction the other night to "just being friends" I feel like I'm not ready. Gonna take it slowww and do it right this time.

Good Morning everyone!!! So, it's been a pretty rough week so far. I know, sometimes I'm sure you just wanna smack me for the amount of complaining I do, but seriously, FML!

My friends are starting to make me feel more && more shitty. Not J.Wilt or the ex..just the one's in a relationship. Monday was Kerri's boyfriends birthday and currently he doesn't have a car because it's broken. And Kerri doesn't even have a driver's license. So, she of course texted me..saying she was sooo bored, and how her bf's parents wouldn't even take him out to dinner..bascially trying to get me to say that I'd pick him up for her. So, I just told her I had plans..((which was true)) but ya know thanks for making me feel shitty!

Then, I'm supposed to go to PA this weekend. Well, I thought about it, and I was like okay, I'll go. Well, last night Pa Lova texted me and told me she was leaving tomorrow for PA and I was like that's cool, no biggie. She's spending Friday with her mom and honestly I was considering backing out anyways. Well, last night at the get together she told me I should take Friday off, so that I could come with her. I polietely declined citing the fact that I would no longer be working Wednesdays. But, bascially she just wanted me to come so that she wouldn't have to drive alone! Like thanks, bring with you, so you can spend all of Friday with your mom and all of Saturday with your friends...it's not like I'd have a car either!

And on top of it, I was feeling uber shitty because I was sitting next to J.Dubs last night, PA Lova was on her other side and J.Dubs always only turned to PA Lova to talk..and when PA Lova was ready to leave she turned to me and I must've had my FML look on, and she was like, "What's wrong?" I just shrugged and said goodbye. Now, I don't know about you guys, but everytime you're friend looks upset wouldn't you ask what's wrong if they didn't wanna talk about it afterwards? I know you all would!!!!! But instead I got nothing till 1115 when she had to tell me that this girl that she doesn't like showed up at the gym after her and J.Dubs left.

I'm just soo tiredd of being treated like crap by my friends who are in relationships!! PA Lova is becoming the biggest user I've ever met and I'm really about to cut ties with her. Her and Lil B only invited me to come with to N.E. Dustoff for the weekend so that she wasn't left alone!!! And whenever she's mad or upset I'm always there for her because of the simple fact, that when I was 16, I did the same thing to my friends, and they told me that I'd be friendless if I continued that, so from then on, I made sure at all times that I made time for them..legit we can talk about whatever time.

But now all I do is get shit on and used. And it hurts so bad, I almost started crying this morning. Swan and I are having a birthday party celebration on Wednesday and he wanted to change it to this weekend sometime and I told him we couldn't because I wanted PA Lova there. But, now I really don't give a rats ass. I need to find friends who will respect me and not use me to vent about how stupid their bf is being, or about how they need this or that, but can't even give me the time of day when I need it.

Ok, ok..I digress. I have happier news...

Mr. Coco showed up to the get together last night!!! When I was dropping the ex and his pup off ((we brought his doggie to the dog park!)), I receieved a text from Coco, asking where the gtg was. And when I was on my way, PA Lova texted and said, "you're boy Coco is here!" I beamed like no other.

Got there and just had a normal convo, I was gauging how he was going to be..because ya know of what the ex said yesterday. He was uber chill though, we talked about how he hates his boss and other such interesting stuff. We talked about our plans for tomorrow, he said he needed to keep it low-key because he had a dyno run to do around 4, so he probably wouldn't be home till 8..((he works at ECS Performance, they 'pimp' out your ride bascially)). So, we might grab a drink or watch a movie or something. =) I really think things are looking up with him. =)

Plus, I just asked him if he'd come out for me and Swan's birthday..and he said he'd def. be there. =) ((hopefully for me and not the bbq place we're going too..lol))

So, I'm half happy, half sad..but still ALL ME!

So, I've figured out the real reason why Dean.O and I aren't going to work, ever. He has a new girlfriend or whatever...I don't really know. But, bascially the chick that he's interested in or with or what have you, is always number 4 on his top friends on myspace. I'm now number 6.

Shanna ((whos Tits friend, who we went to the bowling alley bar with when I was down there last)) is his "new interest." I guess I shouldn't be upset..but I wish he had been real with me and could just tell me.

And now I def. do not want to go to PA, because Tits is best friends with Shanna and PA Lova keeps telling me that Tits is gonna be around on Saturday. Like, I'm really starting to have a bit of a hard time trusting her. I know that sounds horrible..but I don't know, I'm in one of my funky moods, I just want to meet someone and be happy and I'm tired of running in circles for these guys and feeling like crap after.

The ex pointed out something about Coco and I, and I agreed. Hmm, all of a sudden Coco wants to hang out whenever..soo maybe, idk. He does seem like he's growing up though, oh I have no idea. I just want to be happy. I'm starting to feel like everything is falling apart.

It Finally Happened...

Well, first I must tell you all that I have uber time to post because work is sooo frickin dead, plus on top of it, the internet has been pretty weird, soo this is honestly the only site that works like it should. [[yay!]]

Anyway, before I get into the Dean.O and I story..my hours finally got cut. Just about 10 mins ago, my boss called me into her office and told me, "you know we've been really slow" and I started getting uber nervous, and then she was like, "well we have to cut a day." ::Insert sigh of relief:: I seriously thought my boss was going to cry..she was so upset that she had to do that, she knows I have a car payment but honestly, with this economy, I'm even happy I still have a full-time job. Most of my friends don't even have jobs right now.

So on Wednesdays I will enjoy sleeping in, being lazy and spending time with my bestie PA Lova, hopefully helping her find a job. So officially next Wednesday I will be off, and every Wednesday till we pick up.
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Anyway, so, I was texting Dean.O over the weekend. He needs a job hardxcore too. So I guess his friend knows someone who needs help putting swimming pools in. He told me he may not be around alot this weekend. I was like no biggie..at least I'll get to see you. Now it's turned into he had to go to Jersey so he won't be around at all. =( Which obvii isn't under his control. But, it does suck. So I've pretty much given up on it. I know maybe I shouldn't, but it's just not our time. ((in my opinion)) Plus, I'm rethinking the whole I just wanna be friends with Coco thing. We are supposed to go out for a drink and to chill on Thursday, so I'm slightly excited. I also am uber surprised by him..because he def said the following yesterday:

Me:"So when can I see you again?"
Coco:"Whenever you want."

Open mouth expression for sure. That's seriously a monumentous thing for him to say..because usually it's like, I'm usually mad tired after work, or I'm poor or whatever. But Coco bascially asked me out for a drink..and said even though his cashflow is limited, he still wants to take me out. He also said he wanted to def. see me last night, but it was a looong hott weekend for everyone, so he needs a couple days to chill out.

I'm slowly letting my guard down..and I'm just gonna see what happens with Coco. He seems to be a lot more open to the idea of him and I. I've been pretty quiet about the whole liking him thing, just letting him lead the way. But, eventually if nothing comes out of it, I will say something, because I'm not hanging on like I did last time. I think moving into a house and realizing he doesn't have a whole lot of money to go out and be "stupid" made him realize, hey! maybe it's time to settle down in a relationship too. So, we will see what goes on. He's let me chill with a bunch of his friends..and his roomies def. know who I am..and seem chill with me sooo.

Keeping my fingers crossed. It's Coco or no one at the moment.

Tagggeeed!!!

I've been tagged by my West Coast mommy Bon Don over @ Who Throws a Cupcake? Honestly to do a meme about my top 10 favorite film characters. I also have to tell you why they're coool. But, I'll probably just tell you all of em are hott [[women included..]]

So, let's see how many I can come up with since honestly, I haven't watched a whole lot of movies in my life! [[I know, its bad.]]




Lucas Black as Sean Boswell in Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
He has an amazing southern accent and that dirty boy look. Plus, he drifts like a pro, beats the drift king and of course, he gets the girl.


Nick Swardson as Jeff in Grandma's Boy
He has a race car bed and still wears footy pajamas. He plays video games, and sleeps with "Alex's" grandma's friend in the movie. He says things like "That chick's pussy smells like the great depression" or "Cool! I hope it's a naked dude with a boner!" Yup, he's legendary.




Denzel Washington as Frank Lucas in American Gangster
He starrs in the "based on true story" drama about one of the most impressive heroin labs to date in the U.S. He plays the "heroin kingpin" who seems to be able to avoid the police at all costs. He is also affliated with the New York Mafia, and soon he rises to the top..as the most hated and loved.



Megan Fox as Mikaela Barnes in Transformers
For one, she's totally and insanely hott. She plays along side of Shia Lebeouf in this movie about robots that can transform into cars and must save the world from the evil Decepticons.


Jon Heder as Napoleon Dynamite in Napoleon Dynamite
He's wicked coool..enjoys drawing ligress' and has sweet numbchuck skills. Chyeaaa. "Tina, you fat lard!"




Ron Howard as Steve Bolander in American Graffitti
I love Ron Howard, and I love him in this movie as the best friend of Curt, who's deciding if he really wants to move away and go to college or stay and cruise the strip.

Colin Farrell as James "Sonny" Crockett in Miami Vice (2006)
Besides Colin Farrell being pretty uber cute in general..he def. is dmn sexxxi in this movie. He's uber cool because he looks B.A. in stunna shades. Holla!


Ryan Gosling as Noah Calhoun in the Notebook
I don't even need to say anything..everything about the way he loved Allie (Rachel McAdams) was beautiful. Plus, he's hawtttt.

Nikki Reed as Evie Zamora in Thirteen (on the right)
She plays the popular girl who turns a shy, unexpecting thirteen yr old into a "bad girl." Something about her just gives off a "Cool Factor."



Justin Timberlake as Frankie in Alpha Dog
Justin really proves his acting abilites in this movie..and shows he has a heart, as he allows the kidnapped kid to go.

Now to pick five lovely laddiesss =)

Sheri's World

Wife of a Wounded Marine

The Shared Joruney

..Call Me Captain Backfire

Enjoyyyy. =)

Weekend Recap, Sunburn Style.

So this weekend was a looong one, but it had it's funny moments. I currently am rocking a lobster style sunburn on my back..and I'm pretty sure Dean.O and I will never work. =( Onward, to the weekend recap!

Friday
-got out of work at 5, picked up Kerri && her dorm mate Christine
-headed down to the Best Buy in Orange for the CTEurospec gtg.
-def. without a doubt, got ignored by the boys [[thatskinnykid && boudah werent there]]
-20 mins later I bounced
-ended up hitting up the pike, and getting some Mickey D's
-then drove around, looking at all the sweet cars with some goodlooking men in it.
-left, and went to pick up Kerri's boyfrrriend at work
-dropped em all off at the college
-was on my way home ((because i needed to wake up earlyish)) and then coco txted me and asked me to come over
-went over his house..((some hooking up may have occured, and nope, no sex to be had))
-finally got home around 230 and passed out.

Saturday
-woke up around 10
-PA Lova txted me asking me if I still wanted to go with them
-I politely declined.
-Lil B called me and somehow persuaded me to come.
-got my stuff together, met at their house at noon and off we went.
-finally made it into Rhode Island and to Lou's house around 200.
-all packed into his car so we could roll to Wendy's for his ma.
-got back, packed into PA Lova's car [[Charlie stayed at Lil B's for the weekend]]
-went all the way to South Providence [[the ghetto, lmao]] to go to Yarrowsport
-chilled there for about an hr, then went back to Lous and all packed back into his car
-took a drive out to Volkswagen/Audi heaven.
-about 2 miles of brand new VW/Audis still in there plastic wrap..[[wowowowowowo]]
-then it was off to Jamestown to explore an abandoned Navy base
-finally got there, and it was soo freaking cool!
-went in and out of dark rooms and cellars, climbed on stuff, and finally made it down to the beach.
-looked out across the ocean..and saw Newport!!!
-some huge frickin houses out there!
-walked back and went back to Warwick ((where Lou lives))
-went to this cool restaurant called Chelo's
-got some bangin ass Philly Cheese Wrap and SWEET POTATOE FRIES!
-then it was time to get Roger and head up to Seekonk MA ((where the show was))
-got up there and went Go-Karttting!
-then hit up the indoor arcade..won some tickets and got a rubber ducky.
-then it was off to the hotel, PA Lova, Lil B and I were first to get there.
-1/2 an hr later Dustin && Shelly came
-we all stayed up til about midnight, talking
-then it was off to bed because everyone but me && PA Lova had to be up at 6am to go run the show.

Sunday
-ended up waking up at 6am because everyone was getting ready
-PA Lova and I ended up laying around watching cartoons till about 730
-I hopped in the shower
-got dressed and was ready
-put my sunscreen on...and then PA Lova decided at the last minute to change shirts with me
-left the hotel..and then it was off to the show
-got some dunkin donuts
-then got to the show around 9am.
-it was already 75 degrees
-walked around a little bit..and then went and sat in the car
-pretty much the whole day we did that
-around 200 we went to get some Mickey D's
-Pa Lova says, " omg"
-We walk into the bathroom, guess who forgot to put suntan lotion on her back!
-yup me...
-so im sitting there, with a burnt back and a tan front
-fianlly end up leaving around 445
-got home around 7
-i jumped into the shower..sooo nice
-then was lazy..and laid in bed for a while.
-finally got up and left around 9
-got Kerri..and off we went cruisin for a bit
-then got J.Wilttt
-dropped Kerri off, went cruisin with J.Wilt
-dropped him off round midnite && bounced to Coco's because he wanted me too come over
-finally got there, went inside, talkeedd and bit..anddd yyaaa knowww
-def. was awkward..im a)not usually one for "one night stands" and b)really think he's become too good of a friend ((sadly))
-we conversated for a bit after that..i bascially told him we make better friends..that i liked him..but I don't see myself being with anyone at the moment ((did i really say that!?))
-then home && to bed.

That was pretty much my adventorous weekend..was a ton of fun..but I'm so tirrred right now. =(

Next up: Why Dean.O and I will never work.