Almost to 200!!!

200th Post Giveaway!!!!!

That's right. My very first giveaway! I will be hitting 200 posts tomorrow, but to give you guys some time, I will pick a winner on Friday!!! You have until Thursday night at 11:59EST. ((haha, just kidding))

I will be giving away a $25.00 Barnes and Nobles giftcard!!!! A winner will be randomly chosen Friday. To be eligiable for this drawing you must either:

A) Be following me already and post a comment on this post.

-or-

B) Add yourself to my lovely group of followers and post a comment on this post.

Everyone who comments will be entered only once, so you don't need to go comment crazy. ((Although if you want to, that's fine too!))

Thank you all for reading my blog and leaving me love. Without you guys, I wouldn't be maintaining this blog. So, thank you again for your kind words, truths, etc. It means a lotttttt to me!!!

THANK YOU!!!!

First, I'd like to thank all of you for the birthday wishes. THANK YOU!!! I enjoyed my evening last night, with my two bestest friend the ex and J. Wilt! We drove around for a bit, and ended up going to Tim Horton's because they now have a Coldstone inside! ((Tim Horton's=coffee shop, Coldstone=amazing ice cream!)) J. Wilt wanted to try the Cake n Shake, ((it's this amazingly addictive shake that tastes just like a birthday cake.)) so the inside was closed, but the drive thru still served it! Which is super exciting because it's a 24 hr drive thru..so does that mean at 3am I could get one of those??! ((lol))

Anyhoodle. The ex and I didn't get one because we already had ours about 1/2 an hr earlier. So we decided to go to Sporty's. J. Wilt is only 18 ((i seriously thought he was 19)) but they allow 18+ because it's a pub technically. He absolutely just cannot drink. So I had a Cap'n'Coke ((my usual)) and we sat down and played the touch screen bar games. ((I'm addicted to funky monkey lol)). We played those for a while, and then around 1145 we finally left. We all got into the car..I coughed and threw up a little bit. ((gross I know!!!!!!!!)) But I think it was mostly the phlem from that shake. And well, that set me off, opened the door and puked like no other! ((Obvii I wasn't drunk!)) I think it was just the combo of the shake, the cap'n and the glass of water I chugged down before we left. I'm ok now..I still feel a little ick though, but I think that's due to the fact everyone in the office is sick! ((hopefully not with swine flu.))

Then it was home and to bed. Oh how I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow. =D Even though I don't get paid for it. =(

Oh, and Pa Lova finally did say happy birthday. I ended up picking up Swan because his ex or whatever she is..didn't wanna drive him home soo he walked to the center of the next town and found a bmx bike for Lil B so we dropped it off..and I said, "Hey, did you forget about something today?" She told me Happy Birthday and also said she's usually one of the last people to wish someone happy birthday.

And Desert Rat wanted to know why I'm not with the ex. She is the lovely sister of my West Coast Mommy Bon Don , which would make her my West Coast Auntie!! =) So that you don't have to read back..I'll tell ya here in this post.

As most of you know, the ex and I had dated for about 3 1/2 yrs. In that time, he asked me to marry him. I said yes of course and we were happy and content up until the last year of our relationship. He started palying video games non-stop ((we're talking whole afternoons and evenings of me in the living room watching Reba or whatever pretty much crying because he was ignoring me)) and getting him to go out was like pulling teeth. We ended up breaking up a couple of times..but he would change, so I would take him back. Then after month, he was back to the way he was, till I couldn't stand it and broke it completely off.

Now-a-days, he rarely plays video games and goes out alot. I love him..but I unfortunately just do not have the same feelings for him as I once did. I've tried..but personally, I just don't feel the same. Alot of my friends are telling me that I'm letting a good guy go, and yes I know, but I can't make my heart do things it won't. He's a great guy and he will meet a great girl..I know he will. It's not that I think of the future and I'm scared to take the plunge with him again, it's just that I don't have legit feelings, like I only have friend feelings. He finally decided he is in fact ok with just being my friend..I told him I wasn't pushing him to be, I understand it hurts, but if he wants to he can be. So, now we're pretty great friends..and he def. helps me out when I need it the most. He's amazing guy and he's single ladddies!!! so you know, let me know if you maybe want to contact him or something..lol. =)

Ummm.

I really cannot believe this. Pa Lova still has not told me Happy Birthday! I know it's almost a silly thing to be upset about..but when you're "supposed" best friend doesn't even say it..it really hurts. I've been dropping hints all day. Like, wow I really don't wanna be work. She replys back, I'd just like to even have a job. When I initially texted her today, she started biitchin about how Lil B isn't paying for her tattoo anymore ((which means she cant get it)) because he had to spend more money buying a car then was initially thought.

I even went as far as to say that I was enjoying cake! She said, I just had some Ben and Jerrys. Like HELLO. Are you gonna say it? Or do I have to actually go and say, hey it's my birthday!

I don't know, it makes me uber sad. =[[ Everyone else said Happy Birthday to me on Facebook..I know she probably saw it because she was on Fb..but Idk. It bums me out uber much. =(

It's My Birthday!!!!!!!!!!

So, today I am 23 yrs old. In 18 mins, (948am) I will have crawled out of my mother's womb and into the light, wondering why hospitals are sooo bright and kinda smelly and why I'm wrapped up like someone should open me like a damn christmas present. Twenty-three ago, I weighed an astounding 5 lbs 4oz. (which now a days is a premature weight) I rocked the pink hat and under it was the blackest hair a little girl should never have, and the darkest eyes. And judging from my baby picture..I was not photogentic back then either. But, here I am. (woot woot).

Anyways, I've gotten 5 happy birthdays so far. The first one came from the ex at two mins after midnite, followed by another ex of mine (woodhall) who has def. grown up over the past couple of years, followed by lil cuz, j.dubs on facebook, and now another ex (fanoff). See, I'm a good friend of my exs. I have no clue why. I think it's because I was never really meant to date em, but instead enjoy them as friends. But hey, whoever said exs can't be friends, obvii doesn't know that I'm friends with a good chunk of em.

Oh, on to the weekend recap:

Friday
-after work I ended up picking up Kerri
-we cruised around most of the night, hitting up the mall, and Kohls.
-around 9pm, I dropped her off because she was annoying the living crap outta me.
-the only thing she kept saying everytime the rain cleared for like 20 mins was, "look it's clearing up!"
-which was code for: take me to the damn pike.
-I told her numerous time I did not want to go. I can't afford the gas anymore ((not that I really could before)), but she never helps me out there..and plus she woulda wanted me to go there, come all the way back home ((20 mins drive)), pick up her bf at work and go back out.
-I couldn't handle it..so I dropped her off.
-Then I picked up Swan
-We drove out to Wally World in Wallingford (the only 24 hr one in CT)
-I didn't mind that because a) we were bored b) he gives me gas money
-then it was on to the exs house, we just watched some Disney Channel, Camp Rock was on!!
-then home and to bed.

Saturday
-I slept in till noon. (for once)
-Then the ex and I hit up the outlets and stopped into Eddie Bauer to visit my friend thatskinnykid.
-Then it was home to drop him off..
-Then I ended up going out with this guy I met on match.com (lol)
-He lives about 10 mins away, which isn't bad.
-We took his two doggies Rook (half black lab/half pitbull) and Raven(black lab) for a hike
-We walked along this path behind a dam, and the pups were able to run free.
-I learned Rook liked the water alot, when he sat down in a puddle and dunked his head in.
-Then we went back to his house, dropped the pups off and went to my house, so I could change real quick
-Then we went to dinner at Ninety-Nine, then pretty much drove around all night talking.
-He was gentleman, and he's very hard working and driven. Def. all pluses!
-Then I went home and to bed.

Sunday
-I woke up around 10am
-Went downstairs and had some cake and got my birthday card (its easier to do it on the weekend, lol)
-Then I was off to pick up J.Wilt and the ex.
-We caught the 3:15 in Brewster and headed into NYC!
-We walked around, showing J.Wilt the sights because he hasn't really been to NYC
-Most things were closed by 7 and my venture to try and find Coco a Lacoste polo ended horribly (yes we are talking again, but we are now on the same page, just friends...)
-We headed home on the 848 and everyone was home by 1130 including me.

While the weekend wasn't the most eventful, it was def. a ton of fun! I haven't (unfortunately) talked to PA Lova since Friday. I mean I love the girl, but I honestly feel like shitt alot of the time.

Oh, and wow, just got a text from the now ex-bestie, saying Happy 23rd Bday. =) Aww. That was honestly sweeet. But she's done alot of stuff to me still to make me want to go back to beinfg her friend. I just cannot stand people who only care about 2 things. Yes, I understand you love you're bf, but remember you have friends too. My friends told me that when I had my first boyfrrriend and ever since I've tried to be faithful to my friends and treat them with respect.

I don't really have anything planned tonight. I told Coco, I wanted to come watch Grandma's Boy with him and just chill out and that would make my night. So, we will see what happens. But just as friends, I assure you! He said he doesn't think we would be compatible or that I would enjoy his lifestyle if we chilled more, and I agree. Back when I met him, I listed a million reasons (ok not that many) why I could not date him. And yea, guess they hold true. He has changed a bit though, but being his friend only makes it easier and I'm happy with the decision. =)

Quick post: Like this day couldn't get any worsee...I happened to go on the Vortex per usual. I looked in the Absolut forum and they're all talking about going to Dubs on the Beach. Which as you all know, everyone BUT me in our little group we hang out was invited. (including this one kid who JUST started coming to the gtgs!!!!) I decided to ask PA Lova if she was going. She said yes, you going? I said nope, I was never even invited. She was like well J.Dubs just started planning it 2 days ago. C'mon everyone on the thread is talking about it..she invited 12 pple. And I'm not one of them. And of course PA Lova just says..O..Well I don't know what thats all about. Thats it. No, I'll ask J.Dubs whats up. Nope, nada. She probably doesn't even care. Awesome. I've done everything for that girl. Listened to her biitch all weeekend..let her borrow shittt..consoled her when Lil B and her got into a fight. And I get nothing in return.

So, FML, I just wanna move. Meet new people that respect me. And don't make me feel like utter shit 24/7.

The Truth About Coco.

Disclaimer: This is a gonna be a loooong post. I do apologize, because most of my posts are super long..and I appreciate you guys for taking the time to read it!

It was one of those late August days that was perfect. The morning breeze felt amazing..and the feeling of the sand between my toes was already well embedded in my brain, although we were standing at a McDonald's in Canton, no where near the beach.

I was riding with J.Dubs ((this was when we were cool.)) and Spinney and Lou were riding together in Spinneys car. ((when they were cool.)) I was told we were going to meet up with this kid, Coco who owned a beautiful MK4 GTI in Pearl Magic Black. He pulled in, with some non dubbers, and an Audi. On our way we went.

We finally got to the beach about an hour and a half later, for the Soco (Southern CT Dubbers) BBQ..and J.Dubs, Lou, Spinney and I set up our little camping chairs under the picnic area, had a couple Smirnoffs and talked. I hadn't really gotten a good look at Coco when he had arrived at Mickey D's but now he was catching my eye because he had walked thru some mud and his feet were disgusting. I watched him pull of his mandles and inspect his feet.

I gave him the once over and decided he was someone I could have in my life. Then it was off the beach, where J.Dubs and I jumped into the water like some crazies. I vaguely remember getting out..and having a little insecurity because here came Coco and his group walking down towards the beach as we were heading back. I dried off..and went to change..and just chilled out. At the time BP ((whom I knew but not so well)) had shone up and he was looking pretty down. I bummed a cig...we kinda talked..and then we left. We all ended up going to Friendly's.

Coco wasn't really on my mind till sometime during the next week. He posted on the volkswagen forums aka VwVortex. I decided to go for it and I PMed him. I told him how I liked his car, and stealithy slid in how I cute I thought he was. We started texting and talking..and before long we had a date planned to go and see House Bunny.

We saw the movie..I made fun of him for actually not minding seeing it..some making out insued..and that was about it. Over the course of the next couple of weeks, more making out insued..a late night Bury visit to see him and his friend Ryan..and eventually an okay day at a bbq.

It was a nice afternoon..Lil Cuz and I ventured off to the boonies to go to a Barn BBQ ((veedub thing obvii)) and Coco and his friends showed up. It was the first and pretty much last time..we were ever seen together holding hands in public. Lil Cuz and I ended up leaving..a tad buzzed..stopped at a Mickey D's and Coco had called to say that his boii was interested in my cuz. ((Nothing ever came outta that btw.))

I still saw Coco every Thursday night, at the Canton gtgs that I had started going too. Lil Cuz and BP always came with too. Eventually, it was time to go to H20..and I left..came back..and well you all know..I started dating BP.

I was talking to Coco one day online via AIM bout something..and I said something like, I don't know if my boyfriend would be cool with that. Flipping out insued from him. He called me a "groupie" and a "follower" and wrote a pretty shitty thing on his facebook wall that stayed up there for a whole 5 mins.

But, still we got over the hump and continued talking..and on one rare occasion we all chilled together. I found out that unfortunately Coco and BP did not get along well. Coco began to bash BP even more..texting me stuff with meanings only I would notice..but still our friendship ((or whatever, association might be a better word)) continued.

About 2 weeks after BP and I started dating..Coco told me he had a girlfriend. She went to some college ((either he failed to tell me the name or I forgot)) and he said he rarely saw her because she was always busy doing schoolwork. She never wrote on his facebook..he never talked about her..she was never in any pics..and "magically" two days after BP broke up with me and I let Coco know..he replys back: "Wow, thats crazy, Simeone ((thats what he named her, funny how his best chick friend has that last name?!)) and I broke up too!"

Coco and I then sorta talked, sorta didn't. I wouldn't talk to him for like 3 days and then I'd get a random "Ballin" text message which would usually mean, hey you, pay attention to me. It continued on like that..until I finally called him once and Swan, him and I all went out to the Green Tea bar in the Bury. ((not the actual town name..haha)) We chilled and talked..and I didn't see Coco again till Swan, Him, Colin and I all went to KC Dubliner. I was quite surprised when he told me that Colin was coming, for the simple fact that about 2 mnths ago he told me that he doesn't chill with me on the weekends because he's usually with his friends..and I don't "run" in the same circle as them, because they're all rich spoiled kids who drink heavily. ((the rich//spoiled kid part I put in their..he didn't say that..lol))

About a week later, I ended up going to Cocos new place for the first time. ((he lives in a duplex with 4 other pple.)) We chilled out and watched a movie. I was sick..so he didn't really wanna cuddle and he apologized when I left.

A week later ((last week)) I went over on Friday and we fooled around. Then on Sunday when we finally did the deed. Then he ended up coming to the get together on Tuesday. We texted back and forth all day most days for the past two weeks. I invited him to Swan and I's birthday bash this upcoming Wednesday..and he said he would def. go. Something Coco usually would not say. And HE invited ME to the movies ((ok well was gonna)) for tonite? I'm sure his roomies are all going.. And yea..thats about it.

I have yet to talk to him today..and I honestly probably won't for a couple days. Then I'll get the usual, "Ballin" text message. And everything will be back to normal.

I don't know..honestly. I'm confusssed! I was talking to the ex last night ((I know worst person to talk to..but he called and heard I was upset)) and the ex was like, maybe he honestly just wants to be friends with you. Which I would understand. But Coco has his friends..I'm in a total different catergory. I said he doesn't need me as a friend though..he has plenty of friends..and if I'm just a piece of ass..then why does he feel the need to continue to do things with me. Coco isn't really the type to chill with giirls like he has been with me. The ex then said it doesn't matter if he needs you as a friend..he wants you as a friend though. And I said well who the hell is gonna be friends with someone they don't need. He's not benefiting anything by being my friend.

SO, HELP!!!!!!!!! I have no clue what too do. >.<

LEMME KNOW! Love you all. Thanks. =)

"Did You Just Squeeze Your Chocolate Milk In Hopes It Was An Odd Voo-doo Doll?"

SO. I did not go to Cocos last night. [[as I figured.]] Instead, we got into an arguement via text message. [[ghey!]] He kept dancing around if he wanted me to come over or not. I decided I couldn't stand the way he was anymore..so I told him we shouldn't talk. He kept asking why. I told him he knew, it didn't matter. He said he didn't. So, I told him, listen I still like you. I always pretty much have. The following occured:

Him: "You told me sunday it was good to be just friends."
Me: "I know..but idk I haven't stopped liking you.."
Me: "So idk..sry."
Him: "No need to apologize I don't wanna lead you on."
Me: "I know but you already have..practically since I met you."
Him: "How so? Its not like I told you I liked you, just to hook up."
Me: "True...I guess, Idk."
Him: "I just don't wanna be thought as an a hole."
Me: "You shoulda been clear on what you wanted then..you never said thats all you wanted. But I'm out with my friend now. Lata."
Him: "I was clear, I said I didn't wanna date ((no he never did!)) and you bug out cause I'm busy and tired during the week."
Me: "Yea I know..I don't know..((way to be weird me.)) I didn't wanna like you again bc of last time.."
Him: "Whatever this is stupid. How we could we ever date? Theres already too much drama."
Me: "There isn't drama though. I'm not trying to make it that way..you just dance around shit."
Him: "I don't dance around, I've made everything clear."
Me: " If you made it clear I wouldn't chill and I wouldn't still talk to you." ((clearly cause I just didnt wanna be used for hooking up...))
Him: "Why though? You can't be my friend..this is retarded I'm glad I didn't invite you to go to the movies tomorrow."
Him: "I don't think we should hang out anymore, just be civil at car meets."
Me: "Y would you invite me to the movies, if you say I'm just a friend?

----Nothing else after that. Gay. So, ya know what I'm done. He does dance around stuff..and he has acted different. I'm sorry but if you just wanna "hook up" with someone, you don't sit there and talk to them all day everyday, say you'll go to their birthday, say you were gonna invite me to the movieess...but then bascially tell me you just enjoy hooking up with me.

I'm gonna write another post..explaining how much he's changed and I need everyones advice pleaseee. =)