Booty Call, Say What?

So, again I thank everyone for their kind words and internet hugs. I love you all!!!!!
I know it's going to be hard for however long...but one day I'll get thru it. I have some pretty amazing people in my life here at home as well.

They've all tired to cheer me up, to give me advice..I think that maybe as ...Call Me Captain Backfire said, the timings not right. I dunno. Who ever knows.

Back to the amazing people.....ok, so you're probably like WTF is up with the title of this post?
Hahah. Oh, how one boy makes the soul feel better.

Conman or Wedgie Man when I wanna be mean, lol. Conman and I have known each other for, well probably since I was 17. We hooked up once..and well, I'll tell reason behind (hahahah, im ghey) the Wedgie Man nickname another time.

I Imed Conman on a whim today. I knew he was feeling down and out because him and his gf had recently just broken up too. At least theres was mutual!!!! Anywho, he was just telling me how I needed to find a friend with benefits. (lmao) I said hmmm, now just to find one. (jp around ya know)

And he said well if you sweet talk me well enough mayyybeee. (hahah) Made me laugh, I attemped in good fun..but failed epicly...and this was my response to failing epicly.

"So I def. just epicly failed, I was trying not to laugh while I hit on you."

LMAO. =) Love it.

A Letter to BP

Dear BP,
I'm sorry that I wasn't the perfect girlfriend as you thought I would be. I wish you would have tried harder. But you didn't. You didn't just leave me, you completely pushed me out. I'm sorry I ever gave you advice to slow down and just be young. It's not who you are. I'm sorry that I cry over you on a daily basis. You broke my heart into a million pieces. I'm sorry we argue about bein together. I know you don't want me. I'm sorry I believed your smiles, the ones that made me feel like you'd love me forever. I'm sorry that I always wanted things my way. But after a while, you always made it up to me anyways. I'm sorry I sent you adorable emails while you were at school. I knew those always made you happy. I'm sorry that I ever cared enough to buy you food when you were hungry, to make you sandwiches. I'm sorry that we ever sat in the car talking for hours about everything under the sun. I'm sorry your kisses gave me butterflies. I'm sorry that we first met and that you lent me your gloves, only so you could see me again..but I got lollipop stuck to them anyways. I'm sorry I was afraid of you for 3 mths because you screamed "Yo Bitch" and caught me off guard 3 mths after we first met. I'm sorry you flirted with me and I didn't get the hint right away. I'm sorry I took you to get togethers so you could meet people up in this area. I'm sorry that you told me you loved me out in the freezing cold at my besties house. I'm sorry I believed you. I'm sorry I became such a huge part of your family. I'm sorry your cat liked me. (I think?) I'm sorry we talked about moving in with each other. I'm sorry you said you wanted it too. I'm sorry we talked about life together. You never said it scared you. I'm sorry I tried to help you when you were down and out. I'm sorry we went to NYC together. I'm sorry I loved you, I'm sorry you made me happy.

I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I believed you were the one. And I'm sorry it had to end this way..

The Next Chapter: Florida.

So, yesterday afternoon I was talking to the Ex. I asked him if he wanted to move to Florida. He said, of course yes. His mom has a condo in Clearwater with two bedrooms that she would let us live in for almost free. It's not my first choice, but it's the best choice for the moment. I'd only be 4 hrs away from the bestie Firefighter Fred and I'd get to see Amber and Seth. Plus, I could just bounce over to the Orlando area and chill with The New Dub Kid.

[Plus the dub scene down there is 365..soo I can't complain about that!]

I think it's time. This is something I've wanted to do forever now and I finally can do it. =D I'm uber excited for the weather change and to be able to spend my weekends chilling out at the beach. [who can complain about that?!]

So within a year I'll hopefully be down in the Sunshine State!!! =)


So, last night I was talking to Coco. Now, I briefly I guess you could say dated him in between the Ex and BP. Him and I have always talked on and off but I never was really interested in pursuing a relationship with him because he's too much of a partier for me. I was txting him and I told him how BP and I are just friends now. And he comes back with, yeah Simone and I are just friends now too. First, I don't believe he has ever has this said girlfriend. But, I just thought it was funny that all of a sudden he was like oh yeah me and Simone broke up too.

Anyway, so I guess this weekend Coco and I might out to the bar or a movie. Not a date thoughh!!!!! (lol)

I'm doing ok today. Better than the previous days obviii. Last night I sat home for the whole night. Which I'll be honest I haven't done in like the past four years. I slept a lot from like 600-900, and of course my body told me it was time to wake up around 9. I called BP to see what he was doing, homework of course. We kinda sorta talked, nothing really earth shattering.

But the damn Disney Channel! I watched it from about 900-100 and every single show was about how the main character "makes up" with his/her current person. I was like really now? Really? Let's talk about love and second chances when I'm down and out?

Disney Channel I loathe you at the moment.

Awards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Sheri for these two awards!! You all know you want to hit up her blog. =)

"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”



This award acknowledges the values that every blogger shows in his/her effort to transmit cultural, ethical, literary and personal values every day.The rules to follow are:1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person that has granted the award and his or her blog link.2) Pass the award to another 15 blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgment. Remember to contact each of them to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Alright, I'm going to just name a bunch of people, lol. And don't be afraid to pick up this award either!!!

Living Life

Are You Sassified?

Who Throws A Cupcake? Honestly.

Working Girl

Pokerface

..Call Me Captain Backfire

These Are Days...

Update, and Thank You!

I'd like to thank Sheri. =) She's provided me with words of encouragement thru a tough time in my life. I love you girl! I know the world isn't over but it still def. hurts and probably will for quite sometime now.

Last night was my absolute turning point. I'm moving forward and never going back. I got the rest of my stuff back last night. I said I wanted everything back but the dick didn't have to include everything I GAVE HIM. (immaturity is really starting to show).

Anyway, so the Ex and I went to his work. We're just friends now, and I needed some moral support. Not a good idea btw. I pulled up, walked in, and the first thing BP says is, "Who's in the passenger seat?" (excuse me?!) "the Ex", I said. He starts to beeline for the door and I'm fearing the worst. He goes to his car, opens the trunk, takes out the bag, gives me to me, walks around me, and yells....

"Have fun fucking him."
"What the fuck?"
"You heard me."
I'm grumbling to myself, "Are you serious?"
"Fuck you," he says.

And walks inside. 10 mins later I'm arguing with him about the nonsense that went on. He hangs up on me. (mature) I ask the ex to grab the bag, he opens it, starts naming off shit I gave to BP. I call him back, ramble ramble ramble I was starting to think I made a mistake.

"Wait, what?" I said.
"I was starting to think I made a mistake, but you treat me like such crap, that I don't know now."

Tell him I'm gonna come visit (again) afterwards. Get some food, drop the ex off. Go to his work with a big smile and a heart full of hope.

He sees the look on my face, realizes he said something wrong. "You came here expecting something differently, didn't you?" he says. "Yeah," I reply. But, I can already sense what's coming. The line that travels around the world in my mind.

"I can't do it right now."

Finally, more stuff comes out. The fact that he's too grown up for his own good. That he wants to be 19/20 and not 25/26. He wants to focus life on being young, and just going with the flow. (what dumbass gave him that advice, oh me!) He tells me he wants to go away to school to get his Bachelor's. Possibly WestConn, possibly somewhere in New York. Tells me he wants out of the VW scene, he wants a Jeep.

I tell him I have to say goodbye. As much as I'd like to be his friend, I can't. It hurts. I have to leave. He says, ok. We hug x3. I walk out, watch him as he looks back at me. I pull out, leave and cry. Call the bestie. Tell her what happened.

She doesn't really care. I can hear it in her voice. She sounds annoyed. Annoyed she couldn't see her new bf (obsession really) because of the snow. Annoyed that House wasn't on because 24 was. Tells me her phone's going to die.

She may tell the guys she loved goodbye and mean it..but then I don't think she really loved them. Actually I know she never really loved them. How can you just say goodbye to someone you love and that's it?

I go and pick the Ex back, cry again. Drive around and talk some more. Now I know how it was to be in his shoes when I did this to him. It sucks hardcore. =( DMB texts me, tells me he's ready to meet up.

We do, he cheers me up a little. But it's different, it always is. I go home. Lay in bed, talk to BP about how I need him to help me with the lowering springs when I get them. Tell him fine, I'll be your friend. The whole convo he's snippy and snappy at me. It hurts.

I wake up this morning, driving to work I'm listening to Daughtry. Over You is on. I listen to the lyrics, and smile.

Because believe it or not, this time I'm Over You.

Why?

Why can't I do it? What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I put myself thru the BS day in and day out. Listening to him tell me right now he doesn't want to date me, but I feel like he just wants to control me.

He values me as a person so he still wants me to be his friend. He won't make time for me though outside of the internet world.

Why can't I just let go? Maybe I believe that it's not really over and that he's just fooling himself. But, I think it's time to realize it. I need to do this..maybe picking up my stuff from him tonite will make me realize it.

Then I'll go away. Out of his life. Out of his control, to be free to be me. And not someones pawn.

DMB, The Past, The Future, and I So Needed This Weekend.

So, I suppose it really doesn't matter to me anymore that BP reads my blog. (here, be nosey, this will tell you all.) As you can see I've gotten increasingly bitchy with him, more or less. I just cannot take it anymore. It's either hit or miss with him.

I stress out myself soo much, trying to reason with him, we get so far in our conversations and then it usually ends up with, "I can't do this right now." (be with me) And he gets soo frickin mad at me for the stupidest stuff. Like Saturday night I went to the casino with my cuz and her two friends for her 21st birthday. He tells me to have fun at the stupid casino. (thankssss.) Then last nite, he gets mad cuz I called him to talk and he's playing Xbox with his friends, and I'm like oh I'll let you go, and he was like fine, whatever and got pissy. >.<

So, I'm at my wits end. I tell him I can't do this anymore, he gets kinda annoyed//upset. Listen buddy, you can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't get mad at me for stuff like you're my bf, but want so much space. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

Anyhoodle. Um, sorry about that. So this past weekend was pretty good.

On Friday, bestie && I went to my cuzins family party for her birthday. My family and the other side of hers were both there. =) My other cuzins son was there..and he was sooo cute, racing his lil matchbox car up and down the hallway. I gave him tickles, and he was soo cute because he said stop it, please. (hes almost 3)

After that, we went to Denny's and just chilled, then went back to her housee.

Saturday, I woke up early..and got ready, packed a bag and hit up the casino with my cousin and her two friends. My uncle knows a highroller, so we got an awesome suite in the MGM Grand Hotel at Foxwoods. =D (baller) We chilled, got dressed, drank some, and then headed down to the Hard Rock Cafe for her birthday with my aunt, uncle, and my cuz's other aunt and uncle. Then we gambled at tad, then we went back to the room, then out again. (lol) Then back to the room, where something shitty happened.

I went to push myself up on the bed because it was a lil high and my knee went psycho and like popped and ugh, the pain was horrid. Eventually, it went away, it still hurts like a bitch but at least its bareable now. I just walk with a limp. Its funny. (not really)

Overall the nite was pretty fun, not really any cute guys though. (sigh)



Sunday I arrived back home around 1230 and went to the Exs. He's been a really great friend, and we just chilled and I showed him the Youtube vid I'm obsessed with. (linkage below) Then we went out and just drove around and talked. It was nice to have an ear listen to me. =)

(Sorry this post is lonngggg. lol)



Oh, so DMB(hes obessed with Dave Matthews Band). I mentioned him in a post a while back. He's an ex of mine from really like 5 yrs ago. I dated him breifly and broke up with him (even tho he was an awesome bf) bc I was young and dumd. (Irony much?) He's now back in my life and pretty much asked me out. I shared this tiny fact with BP last nite. He wasn't too happy, thought it was an excuse to walk outta his life. (um nah) But, I've been considering the options. For now I think I'm just gonna lay low, chill with DMB maybe once or twice and let things happen.

Idk what will become of me and BP and I'm not sure what to do. I think right now, I'm just gonna back off, do my thing and see what happens. If nothing, well life goes on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5JFdJkBLUI