Learning To Fly

So I've come to a stand-still in my life. Everythings soo confusing and I'm just going with the flow of life. I need some excitement, something new. Don't get me wrong..I'd be nothing without the consistency in my life but sometimes change does a body good. I go to work 830-500 everyday, and every night just either go to local volkswagen get-togethers or play my xbox. I think money is the real issue to why I don't do a lot and half the time I overextend myself in that department. I always want to drive and always need to drive. I no longer go to school, realizing that working a full-time job and taking two classes a semester is a waste of time and money. I don't know what I want to do in life, which is the biggest issue I'm having right now. My personality is too hmm..ADHD for my own good. I'm always multi-tasking. Always the first one to get bored of things rather quick. I'm trying to open myself up to new things though. I've taken about four or five small trips out of state so far this year and let me tell you..that's something everyone should do. I'm soo relaxed not being in my contained little space. You can tell that oddly by the conversations you have with me and how much I swear in an oddly overly excited way. Everything's ohh eff this..eff that. But in a very happy upbeat kinda way? Does that even make sense. Anyway..I think my biggest stressor is not knowing what kind of job I'm gonna work for the rest of my life. I'm 22 yrs old. And so far I've just been working office jobs where they usually hire me and lay me off cause they realize they don't need me. But this job doesn't seem that way. I love it here I do. No office drama and I have my own office. My own room to do as I please, of course within limit. And its only a 15 minute drive which is a HUGE plus. But I'm too hyper, too not sit still kinda person. I need a job where I'm hands-on, constantly busy, no internet access kinda thing. I don't know.

The future honestly scares me sometimes. I think about it..I'm only 8 yrs away from 30. Ok so 8 is a lot. But as my next door neighbor once told me when I was in high school, "enjoy every minute of it, cause as soon as you're out, the time flys by." Which def. holds true. I've been out of high school for four years now. I mean thats a whole high school education gone by. I'm 22. I've past all the coveted ages, turning 18 and 21 and such. Now its on to finding a husband..and having children..when I'm 30 thanks. I have to look at everything in such a serious way. I have to think about all my actions and how they'll seriously affect me. There really isn't room for a large amount of error when you're older. Everything has a consequence and you have to take into account how big of one it may bring.Right now I'm just soul searching...going on with my life wondering what I should or could be doing. I mean don't get me wrong..I absolutely love my life. I have amazing friends..a brand new car..a good job..my xbox..and my volkswagen. But I feel for my own benefit I don't have "me" yet. I don't believe I've fully defined who I am or what I want in life. I think about it alot when I write the lil about me paragraphs on the social networking sites. Like hmm. I'm 22..I love my xbox and veedub..hate drama..love summer..I mean those are all standard things anyone else can write. How am I different? I mean obviously everyone has differences but what's one that I have that makes me completely and utterly the definition of myself? Sure, I can talk dirty with the guys, I don't mind getting dirty and I don't really mind guys doing guy things. But any other woman in the world could say the exact same thing.I'm pretty much stuck at a crossroads in my life. I need to do some soul searching, seriously.

So, on to other stuff. This weekend is H20 International. It's a HUGEEE volkswagen show in Ocean City MD. I love Ocean City..when I was younger I used to cry when I had to leave I love it soo much. But now eh. It's a tourist town..I've since fallen in love with Florida..especially the town of Deerfield Beach. It's just a beautiful picturesque town where the beach is your backyard. I got so used to driving round that I actually could find my way pretty well. I cruised down 95 a couple towns over and came back to Deerfield like it was my home. Knowing all the roads and such. I feel like in the near future I may actually move there. For myself. I just want to go away from everything I know and just live. Make new friends..let my veedub Charlie feel the warmth of the beach[so cheesy!]. Lie out on the beach on the weekends. Hang with my best friend Fred. Its been on my mind for oodles and oodles now. I think its time to take the plunge..and myself for real. Get outta my dependent habits and see the world for what it is..

1 you know you love me.:

Anonymous said...

Welcome to blogging...

keep it up.. =)